29: Fight

I'm fighting,
can you see I'm fighting,
with this chained soul,
refusing defeat!

I'm fighting, I'm fighting,
because truly, really, seriously,
I want the independence,
free from the selfishness

It cries, I cry,
because it has become my norm,
the norm that defines my life,
then now it's killing me..

Kebiasaan itu menjadi hidupku..
lalu ia membunuhku..

IRONIC

Dan dia menangis, aku menangis,
kerana ia adalah kebiasaanku,
dan kebiasaan itu menjadi HIDUPku,
lalu ia membunuhku~

I'm fighting, can you see I'm fighting,
refusing defeat..

--

Oh Allah, never let me go..
La quwwata illa billah~

--

MUJAHADAH SAMPAI MATI

PLEASE~!

28: Mahu

Mahu macam Abu Bakar As-Siddiq,
cinta beliau kepada sahabatnya, tulus dan sejati
sayang beliau kepada sahabatnya, sebenar-benar sayang..
selfish? tiada dalam kamus hidupnya~ (dirinya, keluarganya, hartanya, segalanya boleh saja diserahkan)
biar diri yang terluka, sakit, derita, biarlah..
jangan sahabatnya yang merasa..
bila diri nya terluka, sakit, derita, biarlah sendiri saja tanggung,
tak mahu sahabat tahu, sedar atau simpati..
kerana sayang dia pada sahabatnya..sangat-sangat-sangat sayang... (peristiwa gua thur)
jika diri merasa bahagia, alangkah baik jika bahagia itu milik sahabatnya.. (bila ayahnya sendiri memeluk Islam)
bila menangis, adalah kerana permasalahan sahabatnya..
masalah sendiri, brush it away..
percaya pada sahabatnya.. tiada siapa dapat sangkal,
tidak goyah walau macammana tak make sense pun cerita sahabat (isra' mi'raj)
he even dapat teguran terus dari Allah.. how special and mulia he is di sisi Allah (peristiwa aisyah difitnah)

Sangat-sangat mahu seperti itu...

Somewhat related..(click!)

Mujahadah sampai mati

yang penting segalanya fillah.

Fillah!

macam Abu Bakar~

27: Principle of Laziness

Dah lama tak letak gambar di blog ni.

Hari tu sempat berjalan-jalan dekat tasik (actually was dragged by one of my friend, nasib baiklah tasik tu boleh tahan comel gak).

Sigh, I miss taking pictures. But my camera is still in my friend's house. Haha.

Teringat principle of least action, or more 'infamously' known as the principle of laziness by physicists yang baru dipelajari dalam Classical Mechanics tadi. Actually that principle is the 'law' yang digunakan utk cari the shortest distance between two point, the minimum required area and etc-etc yang minimum-minimum.

Menarek, pandai betul mereka ini berusaha utk berjimat-cermat. Dan itulah yang selalu mahu dicapai dalam kita nak buat ape-ape kan, contohnye bile nak bina bangunan, mesti nak yg most cost efficient. But teringat juga point yang pernah seorang utarakan. Macammana Allah Al-Ghaniy, tak pernah berkira nak bagi kita nikmatnya.. takdelah Dia nak jimat-jimat, bagi kita rezeki cukup-cukup je. Macammana kalau pokok, sebenarnya nak efficient dan jimat, bukan daun sebijik-sebijik gitu, tapi kena luas permukaan yang beso. Tapi kalau gitu, tak lawo la kan. Allah tak pernah berkira ngan kita kan. Lagipun Dia yang cipta segalanya. Infinite. So takyah nak jimat-jimat pon. And kalau kita nak kira nikmat yang Allah bagi, takkan mampu... like this very second, how we can see, type, think, sit... tak masuk lg nikmat-nikmat lain.. infinite indeed.

Tapi aku sendiri selalu lupa. Sangat selalu. Terlalu sangat-sangat selalu...

Anyway, monday and tuesday are lab days~.. boring sessions.. so meh tgklah experiment kali ni. 2 slits interference of single photon. Quantum 'paradox'..

26: Of Cheng and Isabella

At Ballieu Library, 11:45 am.

"Excuse me!" Tiba-tiba aku terdengar. Terbantut langkah laju ku. Aku pandang arah suara tadi. Oh, seorang perempuan local, rambut coklat. Comel.

"Excuse me, are you going downstairs?" Dia bertanya. Aku terdiam jap. Tak, aku nak cari buku. Bukan nak ke bawah. Nak cari buku Cheng. Cheng. Cheng. Kena cepat, 15 minit lagi tute nak mula. Nak cari buku Cheng. Buku Cheng!

"Um, no. I'm looking for my book.." Aku baru nak teruskan langkah balik. Dia macam kecewa. Baru aku perasan sebelah dia bertimbun buku. 2 piles of books, satu timbun ade dalam berbelas buku.

Hoh, banyak nye. Oo.. kalau org nak gi bawah maybe dia nak minta tolong bawakkan sikit. Tapi aku nak cari buku kat level ni.. so tak dapat nak tolong.. buku Cheng!

Niat dalam hati aku mmg nekad nak teruskan langkah cari buku. Tapi somehow terpacul dari mulutku..

"Oh, you need help with those?" Terus laju aku mendekati dia. Dia tersenyum lega.

"Yes! Thanks so much!. Just help me with this one.." Aku grab satu pile buku. Hoho. Dan kami pun berjalan seiring.. "No worries!" Aku laju cakap kat dia gitu. Wah, bile lagi boleh ber 'no worries' ngan derang ni.. haha.

"Oh, I need to buy another bag!" Dia mengomel sendiri. Di tangan kanan satu beg biru penuh dengan buku, dan di tangan kiri ada beberape keping lagi buku.

"Are you doing research or something?" Aku menjeling sikit ke tajuk buku-buku dia.

Politics, Israel, Policy... Hoh, buat research ape ni, pasal Israel.. Adekah seorang Jewish! Adekah kerana itu dia pilih aku utk tolong dia? Biar aku tgk die tengah buat research pasal ape?? Yela, aku kan pakai tudung..tadi ramai je orang lalu-lalang seblah die, tapi die tak panggil pun..

Laju aku mengomel dalam hati jugak.

"Yup! Gotta work hard on this one.. Oh, thank you so much! That's so nice of you" Kami nak dekat sampai kaunter pinjam buku yang self-service tu.

"Just put those over here.. Oh Thank you so much! It's very fortunate to meet you in here! Jazakillahu khayr!"

Apekah itu yang kudengar? Jazakillah?

"No worries, no worries! It's nothing.... heh, are you a muslim?"

"Oh yes. I'm Isabella!"

"Oh okay! I'm Maimunah!" Aku dah semangat. Wah, muslim rupenye.

"Nice to meet you Maimunah! Okay, Jazakillahu khayr!"

Aku berlalu sambil tersenyum. Oh. Oh!

Pastu terus ke atas balik, nak carik buku Cheng. Tapi tak jumpa jugak. Dah borrowed by others. Tapi aku tak kesah dah pasal tu. Aku terdiam jap teringatkan peristiwa tadi.

A simple incident, yet it gives me 1000s meanings.

It reflects my stand, my decision-making, my prejudice, my negative thoughts, my bad judgement.

It reflects today's world, its people, the conflict, the misunderstanding, the trust, the fear, the emphathy, the same feelings that Muslims all over the world share, the HOPE.

And somehow I feel the GRAND PLAN. By Allah the Almighty.

And how sangat-sangat terasa how important is every decision, guided by HIM.

Oh, hati ku ini masih berkarat-karat, berkotoran degil!

25: Uncertainty

This, ladies and gentlemen, is Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle..
They tried, but till now still fail to 'violate' or disprove the above principle..

---

Someone points out about how when we make decisions, we can never be too sure, kan?

and there's where our tawakal comes in..

Fitrahnya kita, perlukan DIA.

He wants us to need Him. To feel that we need Him.
Because He loves us so much.

---

Oh Allah,
I need YOU now..
now..

always..

every single second..

every single decision..

forever...

24: Smelly

Do you know, how some smell makes you remember? how some fragrant makes you feel like you're missing someone, someplace, sometime? How a dusty book's odor reminds you of a distant memory that you never thought you can recall back? How a scent smells so familiar but you can never remember what it was?

Bau toys, bau buku kanak-kanak yang kotak-kotak keras tu, bau dolls, bau lego, bau blocks warna-warni, bau jigsaw puzzle, bau ghulap jamun, bau buku martini (yg lawo itu), bau baju sekolah, bau kapur kasut putih, bau water colour, bau bedsheet, bau katil, bau novel-novel, bau rumput, bau selepas hujan, bau yang wangi-wangi saja (cis, tipu!).. haha ..

Sangat selalu ..

I guess everyone has their own episodes of missing their childhood. Or a part of their sweet memory that can never be rewind, ever.

---

Rindu umah di Corn St dan ahli-ahlinya.. heheh ;)

23: Student life

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah..

This week is my second week of second semester of second year. Hah. Menarek. So far, so good. Have had 2 physics laboratory sessions which weren't so stressful compared to last year's lab since every experiment is divided into 2 part, 3 hours on Monday, and 3 hours on Tuesday.. so, no pressure (well, at least not so much la) in completing the lab report. And also I got a fellow MOE scholar as a partner, who is a female! so we understand each other more than anyone else.. heh. Takdela terase tak pandai sangat, or inferior sgt, or tak reti nak terangkan our part to our partner. Boleh cakap malaaay saje.. which is not very good in a way.. tapi yg penting memudahkan dari segi menyiapkan kerja-kerja kami... oh ye, in the lab, my partner and I are the only females.. other than our demostrator. Standard la physics...

This is our first experiment: Rutherford scattering..

Physics experiments semuanya amat 'kering' if you know what i mean.......

Heh, sorrylah if I bore you tentang perkara study.. Saje .. dah lama tak tulis tentang student life ini..

This sem, I take 4 subjects.. there are..

• Electromagnetism & Relativity
• Further Classical & Quantum Mechanics
• Mathematical Methods
• Laboratory

I don't find Electromagnetism interesting, yet. Huhu. Because it is highly and mostly mathematics.. which is an area I'm not very good at! Further Classical Mechanics pun! Full of formula derivations in every class.. every class where I never fail, up to today, to fall asleep.. huhu. Hopefully the next class will be more to my liking..

Oh yeah, we learn the electromagnetism and classical mechanics part first... later in the semester baru lah masuk relativity and quantum mechanics (tukar different lecturer).

Tak best, because we're not learning so much of physics (yet, kot)..

I want to feel alive! not just a writing and calculating robot..

Anyway,
An ayat for us to ponder together :) .. from my favorite surah..

22: Selang-seli

Pada sela-sela nafas ada sesak
Dalam laju-laju bicara ada gagap
Antara langkah-langkah keyakinan ada lopak,
tersadung, terhantuk, tersungkur, tersembam
dan luka...

Namun takkan dilepas, kan?

kan, kan, kan?

Kerana tujuan itu sudah mengalir dalam darah..
Setiap degupan menjadi tazkirah...
Dan setiap kesakitan tanda Dia yang tak pernah lupa...
tak mahu kau menyerah..
never!

kan?

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Muna, I love you! ;)