263: When reality hits

Our dear uncle passed away yesterday, after a week of being intubated. His lung was beyond repaired. Covid got real. Covid got real for us.

I haven't cried this hard since forever.

My husband and I had our share of covid experience last august. During that time, it tested mostly our mental and emotional strength. There was so many 'what-if's and worries. Would our experience be mild, or would we end up in the hospital, intubated? dead?

It was such huge relief when our symptoms subsided after a week.

So when my aunt started to contact me I was very positive that everything would be alright. I shared our experience. I said to her we need to be strong emotionally because that really affects the symptoms as well. I mean, you would be confused, the heavy feeling in your chest, was it covid, or was it anxiety?

We are all humans with hopes and dreams. We hope all these covid crap passes quickly, we want to lead a normal life. But imagine being that hopeful, oh everything will pass. Everything will be back to normal again after this. Family can gather again. We can meet and talk again, hug again, like two years ago. We can visit each other again. 

But no, my uncle is gone, now. 

We live relatively near to each other. So never it occured to us, the last time we met, was the last time. It was a quick hi and bye, due to covid SOP. We thought we were being careful. Of course we need to be careful. So we just exchanged quick greetings and hope for the future of no covid when we could gather and talk freely again without SOP.

But no, he's gone, now.

......

Allahumma firghlahu warhamhu ...

262: Our Covid Experience (Part 1)

Never have it occured to me that I would be one of the numbers in the daily cases of covid. Let me narrate how it all started.

I am a teacher, as many of you have known. So during this pandemic, we are teaching remotely from home. But I am no superwoman, I couldn't do my best in teaching when my 2 year old is quite a needy 'baby'. So to keep my sanity intact, I decided to send her to her babysitter every teaching day. However you go around this issue, its always a dilemma. Should I or should I not send my baby off. The risk of infection is always there. And we have no control of how everyone else act. It's my mental health versus the safety of my family. Seriously, who can really choose one with confident? 

But anyway, Syifa went to her babysitter everyday, since the starts of pandemic. I decided early on its a risk I needed to take to be able to function as a teacher, and as a mom. You know, nothing about the pandemic is normal anymore. 

3rd August 2021 was the last day Syifa went to the babysitter. The next day, she got a slight fever. I decided to not send her. I asked the babysitter whether anyone else has got the fever as well. But she said no. So it was only Syifa. I assumed it was ordinary viral fever.

She was having the fever for two whole day. But her temperature was under control by the pcm intake every 6 hours. After her fever went away, my husband started to feel under the weather. Then it was my turn to get it. We still thoughts it was just ordinary fever because the symptoms weren't that bad and we felt better after taking pcm.

Then few days later the babysitter called saying her son has been a closed contact of a positive case. He has gotten the swab test and waiting for the result. The babysitter went to get tested as well at a private clinics. Only then I started to feel doubt. What if the fever we got were the symptoms of covid? By then Syifa was all better but I still felt unwell. 

The next day, the babysitter revealed that she's positive. We were numb.What should we do? Then I searched for self test kit seller online. Luckily I found one nearby then she COD'ed the test kit to our home. So my husband and I did the self test. My husband got a solid clear double line. My test was blurred. So I was uncertain. At that point everything just felt real for the first time. We were officially covid'ed.

We booked an appointment for swab test at a private clinics next day. Just my husband and I. Waiting for the results were nerve wrecking. Only after 2 days we got a notification on mysejahtera that we have been confirmed as a positive case.

261: Discipline of Knowledge

As a student of Physics (or any student of any structured course at all), I am trained to accept any statements so cautiously. Everything need a set of established law to be able to become facts. There are disciplines to be followed, in learning, in acquiring knowledge, in living.

So it annoys me to the core when people never respect this discipline of knowledge. Credentials, license, a governing body, are all there so that everyone have equal opportunities to be successful, in living.

Because that's what we all are doing right, living?

All trained and certified professionals should all feel insulted with all the marketing scams. I think it's unfair. So unfair.

People are deluded into thinking they are being motivated, they are being coached. Some works, most don't.

We are all students of life. We should be learning throughout life, never stops. But not from the self proclaimed sifu with no certified credentials, just testimonials of success.

That's a huge insult to science.

The social medias are taking the attention of people. They thought they are learning. 

People need to go back to school. Learn properly. Read books. Go back to all the conventionals. Do it the proper way!

260: Silence

I miss the silence and tranquilty of blogging. The social media world is overwhelmingly noisy. And chaotic. 

I am here now, seeking solace and enlightenment. Because the noise of everyone letting out their opinions are extremely chaotic and disturbing. Bukan makin jelas, tapi makin serabut. Semakin hitam. 

Facebook pun overwhelming , apetah lagi yang full of visual and motions like instagram and tiktok. I just can't. Overload. 

So here I am seeking solitude. I love the quiet. I love the non-existent audience, so then I don't have to be fearful of any judgement. So that I can just say anything, not because I want my opinion to be heard, but just for straightening my thoughts.

Back to why I started blogging in the first place, just to join the pieces of puzzle of my fragmented thoughts.