224:

Alhamdulillah

I turned 24 few days ago on 19th October. Wah, it sounds so grown up. I still feel like I stop growing when I was 17. Maturity wise, at least. Hoho.

I'm an adult now. Dealing with the real world. I'm married and all. Haha. But since I'm still a student, I'm not really there yet. I know that.

There are so many things that I just can't wait for. To settle down with my husband, to have kids, to start working, to settle down.

But that's what life's about right? Dealing with the moment. Sometimes we are too focused on the future and instead neglecting what's happening now. The reality. Time is passing so quickly, it never stops. We feel impatient and can't wait for one thing to happen, then it happens and passes, the we can't wait for another thing to happen and the cycle continues until when?

Like right now, I can't wait to finish my exam and finish this course. Then I can't wait to move in together with DH. Then I can't wait to get pregnant. Then I can't wait to deliver the baby. Then I can't wait to start working, then I can't wait for my first salary, then I can't wait for school holiday, then I can't wait to buy our own house, then I can't wait for my children to grow up and get married and then I can't wait to die..

na'uzubillah min syaitonirrojim...

In every phase of our life, there are tests. Different for everyone, but one thing for sure, it demands our patience.

Kehidupan adalah satu tarbiyyah kesabaran yang panjang. Sangat sangat. Di setiap fasa, harus bersabar. Deal with what's happening now with utmost patience and act according to what Allah wants us to do.. follow the syari'ah.. with taqwa.

And also, life is not just about going through your personal development.. family and career wise. What's and where's the ending? Life is much much more than that.

We all need purpose. A clear one.

We need to think why we are all on the same earth. Why we are 'forced' to live with other people on this small earth compared to the oh so big universe. Why do Allah put us all so closely together, tambah2 lagi when now is the era of globalization where you just cannot define the boundary. You like it or now, we are living together with purpose on this earth.

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Why am I ranting like this. I guess this is a form of therapy for me although clearly I,myself, am not very sure where this is leading me...

Tough week, but I will be okay.

“Menakjubkan sungguh urusan orang beriman. Segala perkaranya adalah kebaikan. Dan itu tidak terjadi kecuali pada orang yang beriman. Jika mendapat nikmat, ia bersyukur dan syukur itu baik baginya. Jika ditimpa musibah dia bersabar, dan sabar itu baik baginya” (HR Abu Dawud & AT Tirmidzi)

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Special thanks and Jazakumullahukhayran kathira to both of my parents for giving birth to me, and raising me.. put up with me, throughout these years. I simply cannot repay all your sacrifices. I love you, so so so much. I will be okay, don't worry.. (I know you don't, I'm just being perasan :p)

223: So, this is goodbye then

Alhamdulillah...

Like what people always say.. "Everything will be okay in the end, if it's not okay, it's not the end"

So today is my last day here in SMK Tmn Bukit Indah. At last the practicum is coming to an end. And Alhamdulillah everything's done and classes in maktab will resume next week. No more stressful observation and critics. No more looooooong rph.

I had my last class with 4A (Physics) on Tuesday, Aisyah and I ordered some cakes (choc marshmallow, and tiramisu cake) and blueberry cheese tarts for them but due to unforeseen circumstances, only half of the class who were willing to stay back can taste the delicious treat.

One of the student gave me this, there are some gifts inside. Thank you Nabilla.. :)

And for 4E, my last class with them (Mathematics) was yesterday. I was planning to merajuk with them, not belanja them anything... but I found that I'm too soft-hearted haha. So I bought them a chocolate bar for each student. And I asked them to write anything for me and those writings/drawing truly made my day although I know some of them were just 'bodek'ing me... Half of the class are chinese, the other half are indians and 2 malay students.

Some honorary mentions:

"Saya suka matematik. Tetapi lebih kepada cikgu. Cikgu Matematik sangat cantik. Maths sebenarnya senang, tapi sangat susah. Selama ini saya sudah naik pressure. Kalau boleh kita chat dalam facebook"

"Cikgu Maimunah sangat bagus mengajar matematik. Dia mengajar matematik dengan teknik yang boleh difahami dengan senang. Walaupun matematik susah sangat bagi saya tetapi selepas cikgu Maimunah mengajar matematik sekarang bagi saya senang sikit. Saya berdoa agar cikgu maimunah mengajar di sekolah yang bagus dan menjadi pakar matematik"

"Welcome to 4 Elok! See you again, good bye!...."

"My name is Cheng Hui. I'm fine. Are you okay? May I help you? Math is very easy but I don't like Math due to no mood!!"

"Saya suka kelas math but don't do the exercise. I don't understand math but this exam I am pass so thanks for teacher. I miss you and never forget you"

"Math is very easy but english got little hard"

"Selama 2 bulan cikgu ajar saya ttg math, ada peningkatan pada diri saya. First time saya lulus dalam ujian. Saya takkan lupa jasa baik cikgu. Cikgu kadang2 agak kelaka. Memang best and happylah belajar dengan cikgu. Apa yang cikgu ajar saya mudah faham ada juga tak faham hehehe. Semoga cikgu bahagia, ceria selalu!"

"Tq for teacher this few month teaching let me get a good marks in pertengahan tahun exam. Before that m no interest in Math. But after teacher teaching I can understand what teacher is teaching in Math. Teacher is a friendly and nice speaking person with us. Hope teacher will come back teach again in this class. Thank you teacher"

"Di kelas matematik ada seorang cikgu yang happy best baik peramah. Cikgu mengajar memang baik je tak ada marah-marah macam cikgu lain. dan cikgu lawa juga! hehehe ^^ dan semoga bahagia selalu dan murah rezeki. Thanks cikgu sebab mengajar saya dalam kelas ini :D"

Thank you 4A and 4E for cooperating (and not cooperating) with me throughout this practicum. I learn a lot these past 2 and half months.. knowing myself more and more while I dealt with all of you. Thank you for the memories too! Dare to dream big, you will achieve it!

:)

So... bye SMKTBI ... I hope I'll get posted at better school, with students who actually want to learn even though they are weak. Baru tak rasa sia-sia belajo tinggi2 sampai ostralia. Ni buat habis suara dan tenaga je tiap kali masuk 4E sebab most students memang mindset taknak belajar.

Souvenir for all teachers from Aisyah & I

I hope I'll be a better teacher in the future. More patient and more hikmah in dealing with students like them. I know it's my role to motivate and inspire them... but sometimes the workload are just too much for teachers... even teachers need help, support and motivation, dalam banyak-banyak segi. Barulah boleh mengoptimumkan tenaga untuk kemajuan pelajar bukan saje dari segi akademik... but more importantly their spiritual and emotional intellects.

Oklah... all the best to all students.

As for me, I'll be having my RMIT graduation this weekend in KL! at last, graduating with the topi. Haha. Ok just kidding... what I appreciate about this moment most is the fact that I can celebrate it with my loved one.. especially my husband, and my parents. I've attended graduation in the past without them (parents je la masa tu, sbb tak kawen lg).. agak sedih juga la.. although my dad keep on saying "Buat apela nak konvo-konvo ni.. abah dulu tak attend pun convo.." heheh... but I still want it! Alhamdulillah... I'll be graduating with Honours in Bachelor of Science (Applied Sciences) from the RMIT University, Victoria, Australia (aah.. I miss Melbourne....).

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...

We can be the happiest woman in the world if we allow ourselves to feel content, syukur, and beramal sebaiknya untuk 'wajhullah" .... fahami dan mengerti dengan nilai dunia yang sebentar cuma... memahami hakikat akhirat yang selama lama lama lamanya!

222:

First syawal @ Parit Usop, Muar with my new family-in-law

Second syawal at Parit Setongkat, Muar with my big family

Fourth syawal with married siblings at home sweet home in Johor Bahru

May Allah bless us till the end of time ...

221:

Posted untuk pengajaran, terutama kpd yg sudah berkahwin, siapa yg rasa tak sanggup nak baca mushy2 stuff, takyah bacalah ye, spare urself from kutuking me. ;)

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Semalam genap 2 bulan kami bergelar suami isteri. Tak perasan sebenarnya, yelah, masing-masing di tengah-tengah kesibukan praktikum, kursus etc2. I wasn't (am not) very stable these past few days, mainly due to two main things: penyeliaan lecturer yg amat horrible (my situation, not the lecturer, although it's so tempting to say so, ish astargfirullah), dan of course, kerinduan. Bila stress makin bertambah-tambahlah rindu. Sebab orang yang memujuk tu jauh, walaupun call and msg je.. tapi, lainlah!.

Semalam juga nenek sampai ke rumah kami. InsyaAllah nenek akan menyambut 1 Ramadhan bersama-sama kami. Sambil-sambil minum petang, kami berbual. Nenek dengan soalan biasanya "Ngko macammana dengan suami? dah suka?" Hehehe. Rahsia la apa jawapanku ok.

Then masuk tajuk rindu.. aku mengeluh "Uhuhu... rindulah nenek, tapikan, bila tengok nenek, muna terfikir... yela, muna n dia ni, walaupun berpisah, rasa rindu, tapi at least tau insyaAllah weekend ni jumpa..tapi nenek, mesti sangat rindukan Tok Yek, kan? dan rindu tu takkan dapat diubati, sehingga akhirnya..." Aku baru terfikir yang mungkin sensetipnye soalan aku nih! ish munaaaa ..

Nenek mula tergenang air matanya. Tapi dia tersenyum juga.. "Dah 20 tahun, tapi rasa macam baru semalam betul Tok Yek ngko pergi. Sangat rindu, memanglah! Tapi sebab tu la sekarang nek kena ibadah betul-betul, supaya boleh jumpa nanti kat syurga! ....insyaAllah selamanya bersama kat sana nanti!"

:')

... tempat tiadanya perpisahan ... selamanya ... bersama cinta hakiki Ilahi ...

need to make sure I am syurga-worthy huhuhuhu ....

Ya Allah rahmataka arjuk ..

220: RPH

My teaching practicum started last week. Last week was it?? why does it feel like aeon already! Oh well...

I've been given 2 classes to teach. 4 periods of Physics and 5 periods of Mathematics.

... teaching is tiring. At the end of every class that I taught, I found myself sweating profusely. Penatnye menjerit-jerit. Apetah lagi kalau kelas yang belakang-belakang sikit. Bape kali pusing suruh copy je kot whatever at the front. Copy pun tak mau. Apekah...

I always wonder about all these children. What motivates them to come to school... I mean, they didn't even try to think, kot! Is it friends? or are they just scared of their parents? or they just want to finish school, just for the sake of having some kind of qualification? tapi kalau tak belajar tak lulus SPM tak guna juga. Kalau nak pergi sekolah kene bangun pagi-pagi sangat kot. Boleh pulak bangun pagi and pergi sekolah... yela, sebab one thing kalau tak dtg sekolah more than certain days akan dibuang sekolah. They don't want to be kicked out.They need to be in school. They know that.

Dah tu, alang-alang pergi sekolah, takyah bagi banyak energy pun, sikit je untuk usaha sikit. Ahh membazir aje... tengok derang buat muka blur, berbual sesama sendiri atau tidur je sepanjang masa... tak bawa buku, refuse to do whatever we say.. rasa macam, hai membazirnye awak pergi sekolah. It doesn't take much pun, just pay attention in class, and think. You'll go somewhere.... Tapi mereka taknak... haiya..

I am learning here... lots to learn still... banyak lagi yang masih saya cuba fahami...

Penatnye jadi practicum teacher... rph rph rph rph ...

219:

Lepas kahwin, agak awkward juga nak update ... conscious. Huhu. Semoga Allah membantu diri menjernihkan niat dan menjaga diri di alam tanpa batasan ini (this internet, i mean... and its fitnah yang sangat unpredictable)... lagi-lagi sekarang sedang dalam fasa tidak berapa stabil, praktikum mengajar nak mula dah (takut! and stress sbb byk submission tak finalized lagi.. pdhl semuanya harus disubmit before going off to practicum) and berjauhan dgn encik suami (lots of new feelings after marriage ni, unfamiliar to me... pelik rasanya kadang-kadang... ).

Subhanallah atas kebesaran dan Maha Hebatnya Allah mengaturkan kehidupan... Alhamdulillah atas segala nikmat yang Allah beri peluang buat saya rasai ... sometimes it feels so surreal. Since I have in my family,some kind of history that involves mental illnesses, I couldn't help but check myself... is this real? or am I just creating stuff in my head? .... haha.

Anyway, for those who didn't know, my husband and I didn't know each other before. Well of course kenal sbb nak kawen, tunang n stuff... tapi takdela bercinta.. and I don't think I've known him well enough, even now. And I am not regretting it at all ... this is where the interesting bits come in... the process of ta'aruf dalam perkahwinan... and sangat menguji iman dan istikharah kita... anyway... I think it's still too early to say anything pun.. baru sebulan... :)))) May Allah continue to bless and guide us throughout this marriage... apapun, kita sbg manusia beriman dengan segalanya ketentuan Allah itu adalah tarbiyyah dalam kita menjadi hamba yang paling Allah redha kan... tak kisah lah baik atau buruk pada pandangan manusia, yg penting baik pada pandangan Allah. Only that matters.

Hamza Yusuf said... "Marriage is not to make you happy, it is to make you holy..."

But if you feel happy, than that's the bonus... as long as you still membalikkan segalanya kepada Sang Maha Pencinta ...

... and I am happy.

Oh... praktikum starts next week! another new adventure that I'll be taking... takut and feel so unprepared. Huhu. Mane tak nye, one semester of KPLI, I think we've been shaped into GERKO teacher more than Physics teacher...

I got SMK Bukit Ind@h. Heard a not so good reputation there... but hopefully everything will turn out okay for me .. ameen insyaAllah..

218: :)

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal wa kulli ni'mah ...

May Allah bless us and our marriage til the meeting with Him in Jannah ...

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Back to where I start. The same room, the single me and the 'ol maktab routine. Huhu.

I miss you abang.

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Lots to be shared. Do'a moga ada kesempatan masa dan ilham idea dari Allah ...