Tuesday, November 30, 2010


Results are in and my flight is confirmed to be on the 18th. But believe it or not I am not quite done here. I still need to do my talk which is scheduled on Thursday, next week. But no need to worry, just need to get it over and done with. In the mean time, I've got packing and shipping to do, friends to visit, people to get in touch with, a weekend retreat to attend, painful shopping for others, replying emails..lots of them! and the one I most look forward to: kitchen and toilet scrubbing. Oh yeah.

Keep me in your du'as ..

So long!

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


The clock is ticking. My time here is coming to an end. Honestly, right now all I'm feeling is how I just want to leave this place. I cannot wait to be back. This year is emotionally exhausting and I am tired. But I am not running away. This is the right move. To let go. To move on. To survive. To revive.

I am not attaching my heart to anything. I know I cannot blame the place or environment on how I behave. It's just, the right thing to do. For me, for everyone else.

But truthfully I know, when I have settled down at home. I will begin to look back at all the memories and I will miss them. My first step on the land of Melbourne. The first breath of air that I inhaled. The sensation that I felt around the face caused by my own curve of smile. That was the beginning. And from there, everything else unfolded.

Orientation week. First lectures. Being lost at uni. First train ride to Caulfield. Car ride to Heidelberg. The beautiful autumn. Sydney for the first time. Brief stop at Canberra. Port Melbourne. Brighton beach. Winter. The cold yet warm winter. Jigsaw Puzzle. Ski trip, twice in a month! My rebellion. My confusion. Friends. Friends. Friends. Il Dolce and the long walk home afterwards. Expensive roti John and silly childish game at Argyle Square. Suprises. Spring. Tulips. Salam Perantauan. Laksa Johor. Ayam yogurt. Laksam. Iftar. 20th birthday... and so on .. sangat banyak!! and this is just a part of first year.

Yes I can remember them all now. But my thoughts and feelings are overwhelmed by the fact that I am leaving and I am so happy. I cannot really appreciate the memories.But that does not mean I don't treasure it.

Thank God for everything. Alhamdulillah. I have learned a lot. And that makes me realized that there are so much more to be learned.

Right now I am not really sure when I am leaving. When involving the ministry, I tend to be the 'malas nak layan' kind of person. So I will wait. They won't let me stay here forever, right? By hook or by crook I'm gonna be back by January, insyaAllah.

Friday, November 19, 2010

190: Hyperventilating

cepat la habis cepat la habis ... penat dah tengok benda yg sama.. can't imagine doing phd..

doa mesti terus peeps..

next is presentation...

I hope my supervisor does not google my name. First link that comes out is this blog! huhu..

Saturday, November 13, 2010


Awak, mungkin Allah tak bagi something yg kita nak sangat, sebab kalau kita dapat sesuatu tu, kita terus depend on that something, and pergantungan kepada Allah tercacat...

it's not wrong to be dependant on people, but it is something dangerous ... supaya kita jelas 100% hati kita ini milik siapa... supaya kita sedar kemampuan diri yg sebenar... supaya meletakkan cinta pada tempat yg sepatutnya..

you know, macam Harry.. the author really understands this fact.. that's why she made Harry orphan.. that's why Sirius Black is killed.. Dumbledore too...because Harry was deceived by the presence of all these people..

Semoga awak sedar akan cinta Allah terhadap diri awak.. sedarlah, Allah loves you so much, and how dare you to turn away...

I just want to be happy

apa-apapun, back to basic my dear... happiness in this mortal world is never the goal.. in the hereafter, yes..

tadi on the way balik dalam kereta habis nangis.. oy oy! jangan.. blur mata tak nampak jalan.. dah lah tengah hujan... ye ke awak? bahaye!

argh stress dgn diri.. dan awak, saya takutnyeeee... whatever in store for me in the future..

"katakanlah kami ini adalah hanyalah miliknya Allah yang akan kembali kepadaNya kapan da dimana saja..." - tashiru

Monday, November 8, 2010

188: That's not the way it works

I wish that somehow
You’d tell me out aloud
That on that day I’ll be okay
But we’ll never know ‘cause
That’s not the way it works

My Lord show me right from wrong
Give me light make me strong
I know the road is long
Make me strong
Sometimes it just gets too much
I feel that I’ve lost touch
I know the road is long
Make me strong

~Sami Yusuf in "Make me strong" 2010

my theme song for this period of my life...

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I realized how little I know about you.

I wept because of the distance between us.

You are amazing, you need to know that.

And I am going to miss you.

This is ending too soon, ey?

.. and I still have lots to say

.. lots of things unfulfilled

.. and I'm sorry

But it is for the best..

Yes it is for the best.


Sudden sparks .. dedicated to my Abrar