191:

The clock is ticking. My time here is coming to an end. Honestly, right now all I'm feeling is how I just want to leave this place. I cannot wait to be back. This year is emotionally exhausting and I am tired. But I am not running away. This is the right move. To let go. To move on. To survive. To revive.

I am not attaching my heart to anything. I know I cannot blame the place or environment on how I behave. It's just, the right thing to do. For me, for everyone else.

But truthfully I know, when I have settled down at home. I will begin to look back at all the memories and I will miss them. My first step on the land of Melbourne. The first breath of air that I inhaled. The sensation that I felt around the face caused by my own curve of smile. That was the beginning. And from there, everything else unfolded.

Orientation week. First lectures. Being lost at uni. First train ride to Caulfield. Car ride to Heidelberg. The beautiful autumn. Sydney for the first time. Brief stop at Canberra. Port Melbourne. Brighton beach. Winter. The cold yet warm winter. Jigsaw Puzzle. Ski trip, twice in a month! My rebellion. My confusion. Friends. Friends. Friends. Il Dolce and the long walk home afterwards. Expensive roti John and silly childish game at Argyle Square. Suprises. Spring. Tulips. Salam Perantauan. Laksa Johor. Ayam yogurt. Laksam. Iftar. 20th birthday... and so on .. sangat banyak!! and this is just a part of first year.

Yes I can remember them all now. But my thoughts and feelings are overwhelmed by the fact that I am leaving and I am so happy. I cannot really appreciate the memories.But that does not mean I don't treasure it.

Thank God for everything. Alhamdulillah. I have learned a lot. And that makes me realized that there are so much more to be learned.

Right now I am not really sure when I am leaving. When involving the ministry, I tend to be the 'malas nak layan' kind of person. So I will wait. They won't let me stay here forever, right? By hook or by crook I'm gonna be back by January, insyaAllah.