Wednesday, October 29, 2008

48: Deviation

An entry made for my deviantart site. :)
Catch me there.


We had our last physics lab session for this year last Monday. So it was quite relaxing. After accumulated all the data needed, there were still much time left. Writing the report was such a boring process, and we could even bring it back home. I was planning to do it at home. So, we still got plenty of time. I felt bored and started drawing on the last page of the lab report logbook. Suddenly our lab instructor came, and as I didn't realize she's approaching, I didn't have enough time to hide the drawing.

She suddenly asked "Hey, what's that?"
I hurriedly flipped the book over to the page of my current report. I thought she was going to scold me. "Oh nothing.. just some sketch.. "

She quickly grabbed my book and looked at my drawing. "Wow! you can draw so well! This is fantastic! Oh so pretty!!" (I think she was exaggerating)

I was quite surprised. Then we talked a bit, turns out she also loves arts, and used to paint, etc, stuff like that.

What left me thinking till today was her last word before we proceeded with our lab "Hah, you're so talented, and look what you do now! wasting you time on Physics!" I think she echoed it to herself. (She came back to me after a while said something like why don't I do something about it? like short courses or nething..)

Heh, I don't know. I would be lying if I say I never thought of taking arts or anything related to it. But after a while, I come to realize that what happened is the best thing that should happen. Isn't everything determined by Him? And He's the best planner, so everything that happened is the best. Because Allah the Almighty wouldn't set something that's second best, let alone something worse. (can you understand what i mean?, right about now I feel like biting my English language skill, ah, if only it is something material)

I'm not saying this just to alleviate myself. Really. For I really love whatever that's happening in my life until now. If I chose arts over physics (years ago), I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be able to fully realized the meaning of this transient life. Like, really!! And of course, this is specifically for me. And Allah has set such unique plan for each and everyone of us. Everyone is different in their own way. Not all path suits everyone. So guys, truly, really, seriously, be happy and thank Allah for the life we're living right now. It's actually so sweeeeet of Him. This life is a gift from Him.

And if we take the initiative to ponder on everything that's been happening in our life, take lessons from it, and take the initiative to learn more, we can actually be the best person, more importantly, be the one who Allah pleases. And that's what matters, right?

And just because you can draw, doesn't mean you need to be an artist. (as in working as an artist or work related to that). Physics itself is one beautiful area. There's art in everything . For Allah the Most Beautiful loves beauty!

What's more important is that we make sure whatever we're doing, it is still in the circle (?) of Syari'ah.

As for me, I'll keep on drawing as long as Allah permits

Saturday, October 25, 2008

47: Mixed

Taken yesterday, 24/10/2008 @ Port Melbourne

Rasa macam dah lama tak update. Lame la jugakkan. One week. So rasa awkward jugak ni. Been busy with tests and reports. Ada lagi satu test hari isnin ni, and satu je lagi lab! (sangat lega~). Then tinggal seminggu je lagi, then swotvac. Takdela busy sangat actually (when you didn't take the initiative to make yourself busy) tapi rasa guilty bila nak update, because I'm supposed to study. I'm so left behind in all subjects! Alhamdulillah my first paper kire lambat jugaklah. So masih boleh kejar-kejar lagi.

Tapi sekarang, bila rasa rindu ngan family, and bila I tried to call Msia last night and failed to get through, and bila nak call sekarang masih terlalu awal (Msia pukul 4.30 am).. this is what I do.. blogging :)

Apa khabar semua? hati ini terhibur bila membaca blog entry aya n piah pasal rombongan jepun tu. Menarek2!


Terfikir banyak kali dah ni, tapi tak berusaha menyuarakannya. Soalan: adakah saya merosakkan bahasa? dengan mencampurkan english dan malay sesuka hatinya.. heh. Kalau ada cikgu BM kat sini, mesti dah panas dah, yang cikgu english pun sama, kan? Huhu.

I think I express myself more efficiently when I mix the language. Because tak semua perkataan english boleh express what I really think about, and vice versa. Because that's the way I think. Otak ni bercampur-campur ha! That's why la selalu tercampur perkataan BM bila bercakap with the locals. Huhu. Tak bagus. Contoh: Alamak, jap, yeke, apetu.


Oh ye. My birthday, last Sunday :) . (Oh no, I'm 21 already!) Jazakumullahu khayr to all my friends, especially puan-puan pelham for the nice surprise. Rasa sangat bahagia dan bersyukur di hati dikurniakan sahabat-sahabat macam ni. Despite our differences, despite me being so childish, banyak songeh dan sangat banyak kelemahan, you all can accept me the way I am dan sangat bersabar dengan saya and insyaALLAH, I will improve myself.. huhu.. minta maaf banyak-banyak atas segalanya yang telah berlaku.. saye kene sangat mujahadah in making some changes yang amat you all harap-harapkan.. bantulah saya!


Dan dikala hati gembira, bibir tersenyum dan wajah ceria menyambut hari lahir.. ada jiwa yang Allah tarik nyawanya..

Sangat tepat tazkirah ini buat saya...

After all, apelah makna hari lahir, but satu hari yang mengingatkan diri yang usia meningkat.. dan makin suntuk masa dan makin sikit tempohnya untuk saya beramal, to please Him.

Cukuplah mati sebagai peringatan. Berimankah kita yang kita akan mati? Kalau kita percaya kenapa susah sangat nak bermujahadah ye? Muhasabah.. benarkah kita ini beriman?

Kita nak mati dalam keadaan yang kita pasti Allah redha kat kita. Try tgk video Amr Khaled yang Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem tu. How he described keadaan masa malaikat tarik nyawa tu.. how bestnye rasa bila saat kita hembuskan nafas terakhir tu, malaikat bisik kat kita, "Allah redha akan kamu...Salamun alaikum " sangat best dan lega kan?? and that's what we want! sangat-sangat!

Maka, berusahalah... ape-ape pun is to attain redha-Nya. Segalanya keranaNya. InsyaAllah.

Kalau benar-benar mahu, Allah akan tunjukkan jalan! (29:69)
Dan hidayah tu di mana-mana. Don't we ever say Allah tak bagi petunjuk sedangkan fitrah petunjuk tu ada sentiasa dalam diri.. dan Allah dah banyak terangkan dalam Quran.. bukan mata yang buta, tapi hati di dalam dada~

Friday, October 17, 2008

46: Bismika nahya

Ya Allah, sangat-sangat tak tahu nak describe macam mana tenang, best nye rasa.
Bagi yang dah pernah ikut ESQ, watching this series will insyaAllah makin menambah penghayatan kita terhadap asma' Allah. Kepada yang tak pernah pun, same jugak.

Everyone should watch this series! Everyone!!!!

Bismika Nahya - In Thy Name, We Live
by Amr Khaled

This is one episode of the series, discussing Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem..
Sangat-sangat-sangat best. Sangat-sangat-sangat membuka mata, membuka hati..
I couldn't hold back my tears, out of byk sgt baru terealized and tersentuh.. dengan rahmat-Nya yang sangat-sangat-sangat luas!

Baru berkesempatan habiskan 2 episodes, tapi rasa dah sangat2 best. Tak sabar nak habiskan semua. Tapi kena tengok satu-satu and menghayati betul-betul.. sebab nak benar-benar whisper dgn rasa sebenar-benarnya.. BISMIKA NAHYA, YA ALLAH!

This is the link to all the episodes
Bismika Nahya

yang ade * je yg ade subtitle.. ade beberapa yg takde. Tapi lg byk yg ada. Best2.

Kepada yang tinggal berdekatan, I've downloaded a few more of the series (10 of 25).. tak download semua lagi.. so if you all nak save quota internet tu, bleh mintak kat saye..

Thursday, October 16, 2008

45: Inni as'aluka

I envy those who are highly motivated, full of enthusiasm all the time. I envy those who only know little, but grasp it and hold on to it so dearly, keyakinan yang sangat-sangat dengan kebenaran yang dia tahu, walaupun sedikit. I envy those who really believe, without them saying much, people can sense from their words, from their actions, that they really do believe. I envy those who can feel the signs of Him everywhere around him/her , at any time of any given day. I envy those who never bersangka-sangka terhadap Allah, even when the worst of trial hits them, say, terminal illnesses, loss of loved ones, fitnahs, etc. I envy those who can easily heal from their grief. I envy those who can quickly rebounce from the greatest affliction. I envy those who are full with optimism with whatever that comes into their way. I envy their positiveness..

I envy them, because I’m not one of them.

And Allah,
How I really really want to be this person. Strong. Sebenar-benar taqwa. Sebenar-benar tawakal. Yang benar-benar berpegang kepada: La hawla quwatta illa billah.

You know everything that resides here in this fu’ady.

Oh Allah, I feel like a hypocrite.
No doubt You have given me the luxury of knowledge,
the luxury of kesenangan untuk beramal,
But yet, here I am.. so weak and hati penuh su’u zhon, sangka-sangkaan buruk.

I am one of those, oh Allah.. those who you described “fi qulubihim maradhun fazadahumullahu maradha..” (di dalam dada mereka ada penyakit lalu ditambahkan lagi penyakit)

Aku sangat bersyukur, sampai saat ini, setiap kali dilanda kekacauan, you never actually let me go. Tidak ditarik nyawa saat hati penuh kemaksiatan. Hati tunduk kepada kekufuran tanpa aku sendiri sedari!


Sungguh aku takut akan azab-Mu, Ya Allah.. Sungguh aku sangat ingin syurga-Mu.. sangat ingin menghadap-Mu nanti, penuh keredhaan.

Aku hamba-Mu, ya Al-Aziz..
Ingatkan aku selalu yang aku tak selemah ini.

Aku kuat, aku tabah, aku boleh bersabar,
Kerana aku hamba-Mu.. Anta Al-Aziz, Al-Azhim, Al-Qawiy, Al-Hayyu, Al-Qayyum!

Anta Al-Mujeeb.. Anta Al-Afw..

Anta As-Sami’ .. Anta Al-Alim....

Anta Al-Lathif....


Wednesday, October 15, 2008

44: Some photos

Salam! Saya Lollipop binti Chesty

Saya pula Husky Dusky binti Chesty

They are 2 of 4 Chesty's kittens. Lagi 2 are Cloud and Sky, yang kurang peramah dan garang. Seekor jingga, seekor lagi kelabu. 4 kittens yang lain-lain warna.. comel!

Tapi I'm still not used to cats. Masih banyak teragak-agak. Tak reti nak pegang, and most importantly, masih rasa geli yang tak reti camna nak hilangkan.

Setiap kali pegang kucing, mesti rasa macam takleh pegang benda lain dah.

I'll get used to it. Alah bisa tegal biase, kan? Huhu.

This week experiment. Determining the e/m (Charge to mass ratio). So we used electron gun yang mengeluarkan electron beam (nampak tak?) and accelerate the beam in a constant magnetic field..ingat tak kawan2? v (velocity) cross B (magnetic field), we'll get force perpendicular to both vectors v and B.. tu yang dia traversed in circular path ... kira-kira-kira sampai dapat e/m ..

The electron beam. Boleh nampak sebab actually guna helium gas yang dah diionized. Adelah process berlaku yang menyebabkan the gas actually glowed.

Ye, saya jakun sebab beam tu lawo.


I miss writing a good post.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

42: Study

11 years of school. 1 and a half years of preparatory. Almost 2 years of university life.

And I still don't know how to study?

Rabbi zidni ilma warzuqni fahma..

One of the hardest changes that I have to make. Really really really challenging. Huhu.

It's all relative, ok.

This is relative to me.

Allamal insana ma lam ya'lam..

Friday, October 10, 2008

41: Sekolah

The Clock tower taken around the Old Arts buidling. Spring!

Week 9 ended today. Special relativity test was held last tuesday. We got the marks back today. First thing the tutor said when all of us grabbed our tests at the front was "Don't cry! everyone did quite badly!" One of us came in quite late and when he took his paper, he went "OH MY GOD!" loudly. Helpful. Exactly what everyone else felt. Semua either senyum or ketawa, empathy.

I'm not sure what was my mind condition at the time of the test. Can you all see the above picture? My tutor wrote "Please tell me that this is a joke!" .. this is regarding one of my bizzare answer. Baru sekarang tersedar how stupid the mistake was. Huhu. Termalu sendiri.

From this week on, I'll have test every week, sampai swot vac. 13/10 , 20/10, 24/10 and another one has not yet been set. And not forgetting the very stressful process of finishing lab report every monday and tuesday.

Standard la kan, student life! Enough whining , start studying!!

My lovely uni~ huhu.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

40: Transparent

Am I that transparent?


"I want to be unpredictable!"
"Ceh! ngade nyee..." dia senyum sinis. "Konon.. bajet mysterious!"


I miss you.

39: Listen Carefully

Speaking out is one dangerous thing. Tapi amat membantu juga.

You never realize how much you worry about something until you tell it to someone. And when you try to listen to your own voice, your own speech, barulah tersedar betapa besarnya kerisauan yang ada dalam diri. Bila ianya hanya disimpan dalam hati, tiada cermin yang dapat membiaskan dan memantulkan realiti keadaan itu, kecuali imaginasi semata.

And then you start to ponder, and reflect.. how you're not supposed to worry that much sebenarnya! Kerisauan itu hanya menjadi batu penghalang dalam hati, menutup kejernihan prioriti...

Thanks to those who listen, who try to understand, even when I, myself, couldn't comprehend.

Paling utama kepada-Mu, Ya Allah. Anta As-Sami' .. yang sentiasa mendengar, dan menganugerahi aku insan-insan seperti ini dalam hidupku...

Dapatkah kau merasa cinta-Nya?

Senyum dan bergembiralah, kerana kita ada benda terbaik disisi :)

La Tahzan, innallaha ma'ana .. rasailah!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Friday, October 3, 2008

37: Takbir!

Pagi satu syawal di Debney's Park, Mt Alexander Road, Flemington.
Takbir bergema memenuhi ruang angkasa Flemington.
Rasa sangat-sangat terharu..
Takbir dilaungkan sebebasnya di Melbourne..
for me, this was the first time I'm experiencing this..
Mesti semua tumbuhan-tumbuhan dan haiwan, serta hidupan2 lain.. terutamanya manusia!
..amat merindui takbir ini~

Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! Walillahi Al-Hamd

Aku perlu segera mencari spirit yang hilang.
Terasa bagaikan, I'm failing. Failing badly, devastatingly.
Tak berjaya keluar dari madrasah ramadhan menjadi rama-rama yang indah...


La hawla wala quwatta illa billah.
Allahu akbar!

Eid Mubarak!
Salam Aidilfitri dari Melbourne :)

Maaf zahir dan batin!

Motivasi: keep up the qiyam!