225: Beautiful

You know what I suddenly miss?

Proving an equation.

Third year Electrodynamics.

I'm not sure whether I can still remember how, though. Nearly two years since I left it without any revision.

But I sure remember the satisfying and wonderful feeling you get when you finally arrive at the last line of the loooong proof (can be few pages long mind you~) successfully without error or careless mistake .. hence this is equal to THIS. #proven!

It doesn't matter how messy the working is. You'll feel terrified and anxious. "This doesn't look right". "Is this supposed to be this ugly and long??" "I'm stuck I'm stuck".... but when you keep going and doing it slowly and carefully... suddenly your equation got more and more neat until you come to the last bit... beautiful. #proven!

Sheshhh... I don't know why I'm writing this either.

224:

Alhamdulillah

I turned 24 few days ago on 19th October. Wah, it sounds so grown up. I still feel like I stop growing when I was 17. Maturity wise, at least. Hoho.

I'm an adult now. Dealing with the real world. I'm married and all. Haha. But since I'm still a student, I'm not really there yet. I know that.

There are so many things that I just can't wait for. To settle down with my husband, to have kids, to start working, to settle down.

But that's what life's about right? Dealing with the moment. Sometimes we are too focused on the future and instead neglecting what's happening now. The reality. Time is passing so quickly, it never stops. We feel impatient and can't wait for one thing to happen, then it happens and passes, the we can't wait for another thing to happen and the cycle continues until when?

Like right now, I can't wait to finish my exam and finish this course. Then I can't wait to move in together with DH. Then I can't wait to get pregnant. Then I can't wait to deliver the baby. Then I can't wait to start working, then I can't wait for my first salary, then I can't wait for school holiday, then I can't wait to buy our own house, then I can't wait for my children to grow up and get married and then I can't wait to die..

na'uzubillah min syaitonirrojim...

In every phase of our life, there are tests. Different for everyone, but one thing for sure, it demands our patience.

Kehidupan adalah satu tarbiyyah kesabaran yang panjang. Sangat sangat. Di setiap fasa, harus bersabar. Deal with what's happening now with utmost patience and act according to what Allah wants us to do.. follow the syari'ah.. with taqwa.

And also, life is not just about going through your personal development.. family and career wise. What's and where's the ending? Life is much much more than that.

We all need purpose. A clear one.

We need to think why we are all on the same earth. Why we are 'forced' to live with other people on this small earth compared to the oh so big universe. Why do Allah put us all so closely together, tambah2 lagi when now is the era of globalization where you just cannot define the boundary. You like it or now, we are living together with purpose on this earth.

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Why am I ranting like this. I guess this is a form of therapy for me although clearly I,myself, am not very sure where this is leading me...

Tough week, but I will be okay.

“Menakjubkan sungguh urusan orang beriman. Segala perkaranya adalah kebaikan. Dan itu tidak terjadi kecuali pada orang yang beriman. Jika mendapat nikmat, ia bersyukur dan syukur itu baik baginya. Jika ditimpa musibah dia bersabar, dan sabar itu baik baginya” (HR Abu Dawud & AT Tirmidzi)

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Special thanks and Jazakumullahukhayran kathira to both of my parents for giving birth to me, and raising me.. put up with me, throughout these years. I simply cannot repay all your sacrifices. I love you, so so so much. I will be okay, don't worry.. (I know you don't, I'm just being perasan :p)