It's exam week at school so, I have some free time, supposedly to finish up all the procrastinated works, but I guess I can take a few moments to untangled all the messy knots in my head. Life has been hectic, now that I'm back at work full time with a newborn baby. So it feels refreshing to sit down and be able to write something here. It feels like eons have passed since the last time I can really sit and think. To reflect on things. I miss blogging. And write here, instead of facebook, away from nasty comments or feeling like I'm being judged. I'm sure most of the time it's just me ,'perasan' others will judge. But oh well, I'm only human. So here I am .. I am not even sure whether any souls are still reading blogs, mine included. But by writing here, I know that I am not writing to please others. I'm just writing for myself. To clear my head. To be reflective. To be better.
One thing I choose to do differently this time around (by that I mean things revolving handling baby), is to not be stressed, especially by the amount of breastmilk I successfully expressed. This is my fifth baby. I am trying my best to provide for him but I refuse to be disappointed or mad or sad if I failed to meet his need. I do not want to feel stressed if I can't pumped enough. I refuse to be stressed if I couldn't find the time to pump at school. I have prepared a tin of formula just in case the 4 bottles of milk I prepared for him are not sufficient.
So far, alhamdulillah most of the time, the milk are enough! I rarely need to top it up with formula. I feel like all the stress are just making things worse. If I am not stressed, my supply is better anyway. Of course, sometimes I do feel worry because it has become a habit to make sure the milk is enough for the baby. But I learn to let it go. Biar lah, ada rezki baby tu , yang penting I have done my best. I did usaha. Bukan tak usaha. So leave the result to Allah. He'll provide!
And, Lukman is the healthiest michelin baby Alhamdulillah
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