I've been talking to potential supervisors since weeks ago and up to today I've met 4 supervisors at melbourne uni and one at the RMIT. Monash is too far and exam is too near. I don't know when I can go there. I'm still waiting for some who hasn't replied my email.

All these honours stuff, are scary. I don't have the confidence, honestly. Language has been the major barrier. Because what we need to have is a lot of discussion. And throwing ideas. And making them to understand what I want, what I mean, what I intend to say. And for me to follow their train of thoughts, their elaboration, their enthusiasm on their projects. And personally, it's been hard. And yea I admit openly that my english not not good at all.

I'm not enthusiastic at all about doing the research projects. They are all too complex and need a lot of hard work. I'm just enthusiastic about staying here for another year. Just that. Just that can motivate me in go ahead with the application (and of course, the email MOE sent, that sets unless we really can't do it with concrete reasons, we have to do honours!).

Why am I writing all these?

The focus now is the exam. Kalau semangat macammana pun nak buat honours, kalau tak pass exam. tak bleh jugak!

Saja tulis, sebab rasa down. Lagi dan lagi.

Jap lagi delete la.

Smile eh!

129: Lifetime

Something that made us all laugh today, despite the stress and the tense atmosphere of revising for exam.

The lifetime of a particle is similar to that of human. The fatter it is (refering to the linewidth), the shorter the lifetime. You see, the principal is never violated quantum mechanically and classically.

A kejam joke. Tapi able to make us all smile. It's refreshing to realize that all these nerdy looking students are still able to smile. Haha.

Tak kelakar? nasibla.

Anyway, doakan semoga segala dipermudah. I have a scientific journal due tomorrow at midnight. Barely started the introduction. It's a wonder how we can type so much for a blog entry in just a couple of mins. How to make it work just as much for a journal eh?

Jika Allah mentakdirkan sedemikian, insyaALLAH I'll be graduating this December. (Ya Allah let me pass all the subjects, amin!). Its a surreal feeling. I'm graduating. And sungguh tak sangka.. last week we had our last lectures. And, I was pondering. 'This is my last lecture in my undergrad year... but I don't think I know any physics at all!!'

(er suddenly teringin nak tulis banyak..but....)

After the last paper I'll have plenty of time InsyaAllah. I'm not going back. My family won't be here (T_T.. masih mengharap, tapi I'm okay je). So, tulis banyak-banyak lepas habis exam la kot Mai eh? Not now, not now, definitely not now!

Okay, miss the family at home. Doakan munah. Doakan munah. Doakan munah.

Dates

29 Oct - Observational Astrophysics journal due
02 Nov - X-Ray Diffraction & Analysis report due
16 Nov - Electrodynamics exam
23 Nov - Atomic Molecular and Solid State Physics exam
26 Nov - Sub-Atomic Physics exam
11 Dec - Result released
17 Dec - Graduation ceremony

128:

Copied pasted.
Jackson is our Electrodynamics textbook.
Tq.

---

One Jackson problem takes an average of 1.5
weeks to finish. Most of this time is often spent
working on the first part of a multipart problem.
An approximate breakdown of the timeline of
solving a Jackson problem is:

Days 1-2: Arguing about what exactly the
problem is asking, what assumptions to
make, why the problem can’t be done as
stated, why Mathematica cannot handle the
integral, why Jackson probably didn’t do
any of these problems, why the intial 10
pages of algebra failed to deliver the
correct answer.

Day 3: Rechecking the 10 pages of algebra
for a missing minus signs and factors of 2.

Day 4: Starting the problem over the exact
same way as before since it is not clear
where the algebra mistake came from.

Day 5: Discussing with the professor and
realizing the problem is not as easy/hard as
previously thought and that 4 days were
wasted doing the problem the wrong way.

Day 6: Reworking the problem this new
way: 13 pages of Algebra.

Day 7: Realizing this new way didn’t work
either, and discussing with professor why it
was wrong. After getting an extension and
“knowing” the correct way to do the
problem, swearing it will get done
tomorrow.

Day 8: After working 15 pages of Algebra,
you realize that a minus sign was left out
on page 2. Reworking all of it, you are off
by a factor of 2 from the expected answer.
Going back and reworking, you find the
missing factor on page 3 of 16. The first
part of a 3 part problem is now done. No
other homework or research was done
today (or the past 5 days).

Day 9: Part b is not as hard, but still takes 6
pages of Algebra.

Day 10: Part c takes 2 pages of algebra and
a page of words trying to answer a
conceptual question that no one cares about
at this point.

Day 11: Turn in the homework assignment,
and reflect on how much was learned and
how horrible the problem was. It takes 24
pages total.

--

Felt good when you realize you're not alone, except the first part. It takes more than 2 days for me, to just nak memahamkan the question..And also I'm not as diligent.. siap jumpe lecturer n argue2.. huhu

127:

Assalamualaikum wbt

Yesterday was my 22nd birthday. Ada apa pada birthday, ye? Frankly, I don't mind about it much. But its a wonderful feeling when people get in touch with you again. It's not so much about the wishes. (Semoga Allah memakbulkan segala doa-doa kalian). It's more about how you realize you're surrounded by people who care. You are surrounded by great people, ranging from your friends, your classmates, your extended family, people you just met once, and so ramai lagi. (and yet you feel so lonely? there must be something wrong with you)

Jazakunnallah khayran kathira for my friends who held a mini get-together sempena my birthday semalam. Dah lama kita tak bergelak ketawa bersama, lepaskan segala kontrol macho.. just us, only us. I'm sorry I spoiled it in a way. I am never good at 'reacting'. Ditambah semalam dgn sakit kepala (yang berhenti kejap masa makan-makan tu.. and then habis je, terus sakit balik.. heh).

--

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal..

Atas hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas hidayah sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas rezeki sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas kesyukuran sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas ujian-ujian sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas individu-individu yang ku temu sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas mujahadahku sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas taubatku sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Atas segalanya sepanjang hayat ini Ya Allah..

Allahumma ahyiyna bil imaan.. wa amitna bil iman...
wa adkhilna jannata ma'al imaan...

--

Kepalaku masih melayang-layang.
Entah bila nak mendarat.. huhu.

126: Mood tu ape ye?

The never ending lab report...

Here we are..

The group from The University of Melbourne inside one of the beamline hatch made of lead. Superman will be saved in here.
from left: Azah (1st year PhD), me, Rowen (3rd year undergrad), Sam (3rd year PhD), Roger (Assoc Prof, our lecturer), and Amelia (3rd year undergrad)

Assalamualaikum wbt..

Dear family and friends.

Tatau nak tulis apa.

Mood untuk bercerita agak hilang.

Entah kenapa.

Sharing eh?

Nak share apa?

Perasaan?

Experience?

Apa korang nak baca ek?

Semalam g synchrotron, best gak la. Smgt nak sambung belajo. Doakanlah.

Saya tidak berapa sihat. Doakanlah.

Saya banyak kerja. Nak buat tapi asik bertangguh. No one to be blamed but yours truly. Mata dan otak sukar nak fokus. Terima kasih. Doakanlah.

Rindu la family. Duduk makan bersama di meja beso. Bercerita. Laugh at the jokes that only us can understand.

Kalau saya sambung belajar, mungkin tak balik summer ni. Kalau saya tak sambung, mungkin balik after graduation. End of December or early January.

Senyumlah. Orang boleh bahagia tengok kita senyum.

^_^ v

125: A Call to Prayer

It's the time..

when just hearing the call of prayer..

the "Allahu akbar.."

the "La ilaha illAllah.."

the "Muhammadur Rasullullah.."

just that..

can make your eyes flooded with tears...

--

Hati terlalu rindu, mungkin.

..kerana sendiri yang menjauh...

124: (1 2 4) This plane is not part of a face-centred cubic structure kot? Dia mesti all even or all odd.

Asymptotic freedom. Google lah about it and tell me if it makes sense to you. If it does, please simplify it to me since I need to write an essay about it.

X-Ray diffraction and analysis. I have a feeling I'm going to apply for projects related to this. Or generally, synchrotron science. Something exciting to get me excited: We're going to Synchrotron next week!

I hate symbols. I'm having hard times interpreting and translating them. I hate bombastic words. Kenapa susah-susah letak jargons when you can just use simple terms. Make life easier for semua, terutama sekali orang melayu yang tak fasih english macam saya! Eigen eigen eigen. Honestly I still don't get it!! Kenapa keep on using words words words when you can actually draw them? Make life easier for visual person like yours truly yang juga tidak fasih berbahasa english. Yela, kena tangkap apa dia cakap dulu, kalau ada jargons, kene translate dulu, baru nak make sense of it. Baru bleh nak imagine. Lambat. (Ha'ah, tau saya mengarut, I'm studying in an english speaking country, I know, tapi tidak sedar diri.)

QuickBrew. Aldi's Coffee brand. My best friend this week. Able to keep me awake, but left me feeling the weakest ever.

Hari ni takde lab, Alhamdulillah. Tapi tak sihat.. So tak utilize this morning sgt. Malam tadi pun pening kepala, tak study jugak. Urg, felt like a failure and useless. Class in 2 hrs time, takbley ponteng, kot?

Eh awak! Exam in 4 weeks time kamu tidak sedar kah??

--

Ya Allah, never ever let me go.

--

(If you think holding on is hard, wait until you let go...)

--

Need to be inside a modulus.
So that whatever it is.. I am always positive. Heh.

|-Maimunah| = Maimunah.

See?

(I know, sangat lame)

123: One Two Three

Sedang stress. Sedang sedih. Semoga segalanya dipermudah. Teringin nak nyanyi lagu opick nih.. reflecting my emotional state right now..

--

Detik waktu terus berjalan
berhias gelap dan terang
suka dan duka tangis dan tawa
tergores bagai lukisan ...

Seribu mimpi berjuta sepi
hadir bagai teman sejati
di antara lelahnya jiwa
dalam resah dan air mata
kupersembahkan kepadaMu
yang terindah dalam hidupku ...

--

Sambunglah sendiri..

Cool cool ye..

Everything happens with His will, in His plan.. He is the most aware of all things. Most powerful! He can do whatever He wants. The best. Ever.

"Syukurlah" She said.

Yer, sgt bersyukur kerana masih dipilihNya .. untuk merasakan hikmah di sebalik ujian..

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

Fasbir sabran jameela..

And.. the power of du'a.. ingat tuh.

--

Btw, saya mahu grad!

Kehidupan mata lebam kembali~

4 weeks of lab, starting tomorrow until the last week of semester.. 4 hours everyday~ yay!

3 assignments, 1 essay, 1 lab report, 1 scientific journal.. all within 4 weeks~ yay!

3 subjects which I'm struggling with.. tak faham kot~ yay!

One last semester, insyaAllah.

Ya Allah, I want to graduate this year!