115: Quranic Reflections

Assalamualaikum warahmatullah wabarakatuh..
How are you this Ramadhan? It's the fifth day of the blessed month. Are you going strong with the momentum or has it being decreased linearly with time by the damping force of this dunya and the friction of our own nafs? (hopefully not exponentially though!).

Anyway, hati ini mahu berkongsi 'penemuan' terbaru.. hehe. Anyone heard of Amr Khaled? Subhanallah a talented speaker.. Nak kongsi a book of his..

Quranic Reflections (Don't save target as! click here and pilih file yang tulis Amr Khaled Quranic Reflection part 1, 2 and 3 pdf)

Excerpt from the introduction part of the book...

"The idea behind this book haunted me for ten years, especially in Ramadan of each year, when Muslims all over the Islamic world dedicate their time to reading the entire Qur’an during this blessed month. However, I found it truly regrettable that this genuine desire to read the Qur’an was not associated with a clear understanding of each surah’s objectives, reasons of revelation, and the core message addressed to us. As a result, I found people reading the Qur’an and feeling that its meanings were somewhat alien to them. Some might even find them enigmatic or meant to be read without proper understanding of their essence or purposes. Others might grasp the meaning of the wording of the ayahs, but find no connection between one ayah and the next, and instead consider them a series of unrelated ayahs in one surah. They might even think that there is no main objective that links all the ayahs of the surah. This is the cornerstone of this book. It is a humble piece of work that breaks the barriers between the youths of our Ummah and the Noble Book of Allah (SWT)...."

Saye tak baca lagi.. tapi hope you all can benefit from it :D InsyaAllah saya pun akan baca!!!

Semoga tilawah kita bukan sekadar tilawah nak memperhabis Quran cepat-cepat.

Teringat ada sorang ustaz tu kata.. kalaulah nak baca quran setakat nak dpt pahala, takyah susah-susah Allah turunkan satu quran tu (of course sebenarnya tak susah bagi Allah..) .. sebab baca Alim Lam Mim pun dapat pahala 10, 10 dan 10.. bacelah ulang2 insyaAllah dapat jugak pahala.. tapi Quran ada banyaaaaaak sgt lagi yang kita boleh and HARUS or WAJIB amek because of course, IT IS OUR GUIDE OF LIFE!!!..

Okies everyone! Selamat berpesta ibadah.. insyaAllah meraih TAQWA...

114: I Love Allah!

It's 4th Ramadhan!

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Suddenly it came dawn on me yesterday. Suddenly it's week 5! This semester only has 12 weeks. Then I started 'cuak'ing. 3 subjects, I barely understand.

This Ramadhan, harus sangat berusaha study. Kelas yang penuh. Bangun sahur + qiam 4.30.. subuh n ma'thurat and tadarus etc habis around 7 am. Siap-siap cek emel, print lecture notes etc .. siap-siapkan diri.. lab starts at 9. Then everyday my classes end at 5. Then balik, terus bersiap utk berbuka. Then ke terawikh. Then balik selalu around 9.30 pm. Settle down everything, 10 pm baru nak start belajar? and the cycle goes on... Time is so precious. Nak memahamkan subject2, utk mereka yg mengenali saya, half an hour hanya utk dapatkan the mood.. another half to get which part should I cover, then only search for materials, then only boleh baca dan berusaha memahamkan dan buat soalan etc. Tak berubah since first year T_T. Not good!!!

Mujahadah is the word. Not a single second to be wasted, supposedly. Aaaaaa!!!

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I stopped typing those paragraph this morning since I was rushing to go to the lab.

So, I rushed!

Sampai-sampai lab jumpa demonstrator. Ohoho.

"I'm doing x-ray diffraction this week!" dgn semangatnya.. so that he can showed me where should I go. Tapi dia pandang muka saya pelik.

"X-ray? that's for the research experience right? but that won't start until the week after."

Err.. "Really?"

So begitulah ceritanya. Susah pulak nak cerita structure of physics lab ni tapi pendek cerita because I chose to do research experience masa mula-mula dulu, this week and next week takde lab!! Cuma kene buat lab lebei after spring break (bila semua org dah habis lab) but it will be a lot of fun since it'll be at the Synchrotron! Excited. Heh.

Baru mengadu kat Allah rasa macammana Ramadhan ni? rasa sgt busy etc tak sempat nak betul2 khusyuk etc2.. dengan assignments n tests coming.. huhu..

Allah As-Sami'. Saya sayaaaaang Allah! Alhamdulillah.. Alhamdulillah!

Lagi satu, mungkin Allah tau saya masih belum bersedia utk berkorban takat hyper. Huhu. Kuakui kelemahanku Ya Allah..

Jadi dengan kesempatan dan rezeki kali ni, tak mungkin dipersia-siakan insyaAllah!!! Mujahadah until mempergunakan segala saat dan ketika yang ada.

Jadi, right after I publish this entry, I should go upstairs to the Physics library and do my assignment! yahyah! (I'm now at the 3rd year Physics reading room).

Sila khatam quran ramadhan kali ni, okeh muna??? Tiada alasan lagik!

I love Allah!

113: Tabligh

Ramadhan is less than 24 hours away.

Ya Allah I want to feel it again, Ya Allah!

The sweetness when I cried those tears.. same time last year. Sangat rindu.. sangat rindu. Nak merasainya lagi. Merasai cinta-Mu. Merasai Your presence.. Merasai kasih-sayang saat-saat ujian bertandang.. Merasai merasai merasai ....

Pilih aku Ya Allah..

and yet right now I'm struggling with kerja-kerja duniawi.. report yang baru berapa percent and i'm still procrastinating some more!!

I want to concentrate.. to feel the feeling.. mahu khusyuk menghayati setiap nafas yang dihembus... yang mengeja KEHIDUPAN... memasuki madrasah Ramadhan..

Bliss..

Ah, mujahadah is the word! Siapkan report segera.. mujahadah melihat tanda-tandaNya dalam setiap perkara.. dalam mengkaji brightness and luminosity of the stars ini ada tandaNya! dalam mengukur jarak ke Virgo cluster juga ke Hydra I, ada tandaNya! dalam menafsir H-R diagram and stars sequences ada tandaNya! dalam menyalin balik report yang incomprehensible ada sangat-sangat tandaNya!!! dalam mujahadah menahan kantuk, ada tandaNya ;)

"Sanurihim ayatina fil afaaq... wa fi anfusikum.. hatta yatabayyanu annahul HAQ!"

Sila carik ayat mana.. that's for you to discover :D

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Allahumma baligna Ramadhan

112: They tell their stories

Some random pictures taken after winter break till now.. summarize my 3 weeks..

Outing with some puan-puan egyptians and they treat us with some egyptian delicacies yg tak igt namanya apa. Sanah, help? Ade kot some kofta, falafel.. etc2

Ini gambo paling recent antara gambar-gambar di sini. Il Dolce ice cream parlour baru buka balik selepas break kejap masa winter. So tadi gi makan ice cream with housemates. Yummy. Macam biasa, honeycomb crunch + apa2 flavor lain yg chocolatey and fatty semestinya... tapi honeycomb crunch is a must!

Hasan! sangat comel.

One of my physics coursemates. Ni semalam. Lecture hall kitorg kunci (last class on friday, building supervisor mesti igt takde kelas dah kat situ, dia pi kunci awal2) so lecturer lambat, and then sibuk2 cari kunci. So my coursemate tu smgt membuat kerja kat luar lecture hall. Anyway, the turn-ups semalam sangat lah menggalakkan. I'm so proud of my coursemates. Haha. Mmg dasar nerd. Walaupun satu kelas je hari ni, and pada waktu last-last, mereka tetap juga nak g kelas....

Ha, familyku.. inilah kedai Balha, kedai di mana I bought the backlava yang ramai suka itu~ manissss .. kedainya agak mewah, so harga baklava tu agak mewah juge..

Ini my lecturer for AMSSP (Atomic, Molecular and Solid State Physics) yang sedang menulis jalan kerja problem set... kerjaku, menyalin je tak faham sgt T_T

"Hi, my name is Maryam. I'm five years old!"

Ini Maryam, budak kecik yang baru seminggu sekolah kat OZ dah terpengaruh dengan slang2nya..

"Noee .. Not hiyah!"

111: Trial and error

Hari ni kelas start pukul 4.15 pm. Ya tuan-tuan dan puan-puan. The last slot for the day. And it's friday... biasanya Jumaat org akan habis awal2. Of all slots, kenapalah mesti pilih slot itu. Sungguh mengujakan untuk dituang. Tetapi, kita mujahadah, yo?

Terasa bagaikan mahu ke pantai...

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Pernah tak rasa sangat rindu?

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Fiction mode on..

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Quran dicapai. Jari laju membuka semuka demi semuka, mencari tanda yang ditinggalkan dulu untuk menyambung bacaan. Okay, jumpa. Lama helaian-helaian itu tidak berselak. Tanda yang ditinggalkan itu sudah lama tidak berganjak.

Dia masih duduk bersila di atas sejadah. Usai solat Duha sudah setengah jam, dia masih di situ, di atas sejadah merah putih kelabu. Sujud selepas salam lama.. dan meluahkan segala rasa kepada Allah, As-Sami'.. Menghambur segala air mata yang selama ini ditahan. Allah Al-Basir...

Tenang waktu Duha menambahkan mood dia untuk melayan permintaan hati yang sangat rindu. Surah Al-Ahqaf.. bacaan dimulakan, tartil sedayanya. Selesai ayat kedua, seketika itu juga cahaya menerjah masuk dari tingkap bilik, menyilaukan pandangannya. Allah An-Nur... tidak semena-mena air matanya berjatuhan lagi. Sangat-sangat rindu, Ya Allah.. Al-Wadud...

Satu muka dihabiskan.. satu muka lagi. Hati bagai disentap-sentap setiap kali diri dapat menangkap maksud ayat-ayat dalam bahasa arab itu. Sampai ayat ke 13.. dia terhenti dan terfikir panjang... sedih, kesal, segalanya...

".. la khaufun 'alaihim, walahum yahzanun.."

Mahu merasakan itu juga. Mahu! Setiap hari, dirinya dirundung gelisah, setiap hari merasakan tekanan, setiap hari setiap jam setiap saat merasakan kerisauan dan kemurungan.. tetapi mereka ini, "Tidak ada rasa khawatir pada mereka, dan mereka tidak bersedih hati.." Aku mahu juga, Ya Allah.... oh, tetapi mereka itu mengatakan "rabbunallah thummas taqamu.."

Oh, baru dia tersentak.. mereka itu, bila mengatakan beriman, mereka terus beristiqamah.. tetapi, diriku?? diriku oh diriku??

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Fiction mode off

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Tak habis tulis lagi, tapi macam tak reti nak sambung. Pointnya yang pada awalnya ada dikepala, masih tidak disampaikan lagi.. huhu. Tapi takpe, try again later, insyaAllah...

Anyway, minggu ni agak kelam-kabut hidupku. Lab baru start. Terus penuh jadual with 12 hours of lab works. Biasanya bila lab, by the time dah reach 4th hour tu, rasa otak cam panas semacam je. Nak fikir pun tak larat. Semalam pulak, partner decided to do advanced exercise masa last-last tu.. Ya Allah, hanya Allah yang tahu betapa penatnye otak rasa..

And this week pun, computer decided to acting up. Virus kot. Selama 3 hari takde computer cam rasa sungguh handicapped. Day 1, I didn't do anything to solve the problem. Comp rosak, so what. Terbiar aje diatas meja. Day 2, call abang, call abah, call kawan, tanya2 apa boleh buat, apa kena buat, boleh tolong tak etc2. Day 3, macam taknak menyusahkan orang nak menghantar laptop ke sana ke mari etc, baru igt yang laptop ni comes with cd windows.. pasrahlah, format aje, kite try. So install balik windows, dan alhamdulillah setakat ni dah oklah my laptop ni. And files2 semua tak hilang. Alhamdulillah.

Bila bace balik paragraph di atas (teringat yang sorang lecturer ni sangat emo bila orang sebut graph macam 'greph' .. it's grAph!) rasa macam takde mende nye sebenarnya, tap bila real life rasa cam sgt kelam-kabut. Haih. Time management, priority management, life management.. hmm.

110: Final semester

Bismillah..

So, InsyaAllah semester ini would be my final semester before graduating. Doakan semoga pass segalanya semester ini. Angan-angan menyambung honours next year, doa-doakan juga. Minggu depan nak masuk minggu ketiga. Minggu depan start lab work. 2 minggu saya dah agak free, minggu depan kehidupan kembali agak hectic. Teringat last semester saya sangat culture shock. Baru belajar tak tidur malam. Baru belajar tonggang-terbalik sebab study. Baru faham kenapa orang kata Physics tu susah. Haha. Masa first year, dan second year, bila orang tanya physics mesti susahkan? Saya pun jawab, em okla.. biase je. Masa third year, saya akan angguk tanpa teragak-agak lagi.

Anyway, currently my favorite subject is Sub-Atomic Physics.. all the nuclear and particle physics stuff. I like. Rasa macam, yes, I'm learning some physics, at last! Masih berusaha meminati the other 2 subjects: Electrodynamics dan Atomic,Molecular and Solid State Physics. Tak abis-abis deriving the 3D radial equation yang panjang lebar and separation of variables. Kat dalam kelas saya hanya menyalin derivation yg lecturer buat without understanding much. Rasa macam belajar math instead of physics. Kene revise.

Sem ni tak dapat nak beli textbook sebab kurang berkemampuan. Masa winter break hari tu overspent. (Balik Msia + g Interstates + g New Zealand + beli kereta). Takpela, nanti bila dah kerja baru beli text book. Dekat Malaysia lagi murah. Sebab selama ni beli textbooks sbb sangat suka dgn buku.. seronok bila susun dekat almari. Rasa cam banyak ilmu walaupun pada hakikatnye tak. Takpe, keyakinan itu penting. Hakikatnye textbooks yang betul-betul digunakan adelah dlm 2, 3 aje.

Dah final sem. Tetibe rasa cam taknak abes belajar lagi. I love Melbourne.

Tapi deep inside, sebenarnya rasa cam nak balik je... settle down kat Malaysia... belajar KPLI di IPTI, duduk umah kat BBU, bliss....

Takpe, Allah dah aturkan yang terbaik. Kita berusaha aje. Doa banyak-banyak. Apa-apa yang terbaik.

Kenapa bila baca balik what I'm writing macam orang yang sangat low motivation jek tulis ni. Hey, semangat-semangat!

109: Merapu

Sungguh bila buka browser, click blog sendiri, click new post, I have no idea what to write. Takde life ke aku ni untuk tatapan semua? Or maybe I've become too paranoid. Ever word every sentences, sangat berhati-hati. I'm afraid I'm too transparent. I'm afraid to be read. I'm afraid .. I'm afraid.. I'm afraid when people meet me in real life, I meet bloggers in real life, kemudian mereka termembisu, aku juga terdiam. Judging each other secara tak sengaja.. secara otomatiknya. And it's happening. Of course we don't want to judge people. Of course, siapalah kita! Tapi itulah realiti yang berlaku. Otak tu sentiasa berfikir dan hati sentiasa merasa.. kita boleh la menepis-nepis fikiran-fikiran tak patut, kita boleh menahan hati supaya tak pecah bila rasa sangat stress, tapi.. if we're thinking, then we're thinking, if we're feeling, then we're feeling..

One thing, we are more similar than we ever know... so many things in common.. so relax la.

I am not sure where this post is leading me, so, yeah.. Till next time.

Jom persiap-siapkan diri menghadapi ramadhan.. It's 17th Sha'ban already! Mahu bertemu Ramadhan dengan diri yang suci bersih dan gembira~

It's much more easier when you don't have to explain yourself, that's why I kinda prefer twitter right now.. but I hate people who don't explain stuff to me.. and escaping is not a way out.. so yeah, skrg perlu mujahadah...InsyaAllah.. InsyaAllah..

"Iz qamu.. Iz qamu..."

This is a good start.