216:

Knowing that a person like Ustazah Yoyoh Yusroh existed, made me feel worthless.

I always feel like complaining. All the times. About everything. Nothing is right, no one really understand, no task is easy, no time for anything...

And now I feel invalid. I have no right to complain.

Takde alasan untuk tak buat all these, you know, Muna... Takde alasan nak kata tak mampu. Takde alasan nak kata you've tried your best.

Invalid.

--

A much needed tazkirah just when you feel content.

Entah pengakhiran yang macammana bakal menemuiku..

Akan dipandangkah aku oleh Allah.. jika sosok-sosok hebat seperti ini yang mengelilingi? takde can... takde can la...

Syurga itu mahal..

Mujahadah itu bayarannya...

Harta, jiwa.. segalanya...

Baru sedikit... not even a pinch that I can rival with...

Oh Allah...

T____T

--

Don't know what I'm talking about? google that name above.

215:

I need a pair of ears. Willing and non-judgemental ears.

I need to let out all of these chaos inside. I need to be listened to as I talk and talk.

I need a pair of eyes. To which I allow myself to be seen as weak.

I need to be watched over as I cry and cry.

.. and be hugged. And be calmed.

---

Oh Allah how I miss you ...

I need to be listened to, I need to be watched over ...

I need YOU.

... and I know you are always here.

Listening, watching ... keeping me safe, keeping me sane.

I know, but I am not feeling it,

yet...

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

I miss YOU.

---

Ya As-Sami' ...

Ya Al-Basir ...

Ya Al-Raqib ...

---

Mu'min tu tak tensi kan?

10 days.

And suddenly rasa macam nak abandon everything and go back to the impossible.

Whatever that means.

Oh.

214:

Allahumma bariklana, wabarik alaina ..

Allahumma yasirlana wa la tuassir

Ya Kareem ...

Ya Razzaq ...

Ya Wasi' ...

Ya Ghaniy ...

--

Allahumma firghlana ...

Astarghfirullah ..

Astarghfirullah ..

Astarghfirullah ..

--

Allahumma yasirlana ...

Allahumma bariklana ...

Allahumma irhamna ...

213: Two One Three

In less than 3 weeks time, my life will change forever. Haha, I'm just being dramatic. Our life is constantly changing forever, right? The next moment will never be the same, ever again. The only constant in life is change.

Anyway, I'm currently 'cuak'ing. 4 months passed by so quickly. Yes, I've been engaged for 4 months. Takpelah, orang kata bertunang jangan lama-lama. Sememangnya selama tempoh pertunangan sangat mengujikan. Ye sekarang ini. Sangat-sangat mengharap perkahwinan yang bakal ditempuhi diberkati dan dirahmati... in hoping that, kenalah pastikan setiap langkah dan perbuatan menuju pernikahan itu adalah suci... oh, takut... T_T rabbana la tu akhizna in nasina aw akhto' na.. janganlah Kau hukum kami jika kami terlupa atau tersalah Ya Allah...

Seperti yang dinasihati seseorang yang sangat saya hormati "Dalam ketika ini, harus banyak-banyak beristighfar dan bersolat taubat kpd Allah agar dosa-dosa lalu tidak menjadi kifarah pada anak-anak yang bakal dianugerahi kelak..." Ye.. kita takkan dpt nak bayangkan ujian yang macammana Allah set up kan untuk kita pada masa hadapan.. kalau bukan keatas kita, maybe ke atas anak-anak kita.. atau keturunan yang seterusnya ... "wa kana abuhuma salihan...." Niat harus disucikan. Lillahi ta'ala. Impikan yang terbaik ...Hope and Fear. Hope and Fear, 2 wings that balance each other out...

... and up to now, aku sangat rasa bersyukur, Ya Allah ... segala urusan dari permulaan sehingga sekarang sangat dipermudahkan. Alhamdulillah alhamdulillah alhamdulillah... Kau permudahkanlah urusan-urusan selepas ini juga ya Allah .. Allahumma yasirlana wala tuassir ...

Yelah, dicelah-celah kesibukan kursus perguruan, kalau nak diukur ikut realiti, macam impossible nak buat macam-macam, wedding preparations di samping kelas yg packed,

assignments and campings! But alhamdulillah ... until now semua masih on track ... walaupun kualiti assignment boleh dipertikaikan ^____^; ... and tidak dinafikan emotional burst sekali-sekala di saat stress yang sangat... ampun maaf kepada yang terlibat dan akan terlibat, 3 weeks to go.. tak tau apa yg korang akan hadapi if you are within 1 metre radius of me. Hoho. Fasa ini adalah tarbiyyah pengujian kesabaran yang sangat. Huuuu... Help me friends ... sesungguhnya hati ini sentiasa dahagakan peringatan ..

And thanks and "Jazakumullahu khayran kathira" to those who have to put up with my weaknesses, especially my mum who has done so so much in terms of my wedding preparation. Sorry sgt, munah tak tau pape T____T.

Having typed all those paragraphs above, I hereby invite all of you my blog readers to my wedding on the 28th May 2011 in Johor Bahru. If you are really coming, do contact me personally either by leaving comments or email, for the invitation card.

212:

I usually get frustrated with myself when I failed to convey what I really feel and mean to express, to people. Well... it's a learning process. I know. The more I talk, the more I will learn. I won't automatically acquire this skill... talking my heart out.

I am frustrated with myself right now because I am supposed to focus on doing an essay that need to be submitted tomorrow morning.

But obviously I cannot. Focus.

Oh Muna.....

---

Mu'min tu tak merasa tensi.

Bak kata Mustafa Masyhur "Mereka boleh membuang kita ke mana sahaja yang mereka suka... tetapi mereka takkan dapat membuang kita di tempat yang tak ada Allah ..."

Allah kan ada. Hilang segala kerisauan.

"Menakjubkan sungguh urusan orang yang beriman. Segala perkaranya adalah kebaikan. Dan itu tidak terjadi kecuali pada orang yang beriman. Jika mendapat nikmat, dia bersyukur, dan syukur itu baik baginya. Jika ditimpa musibah dia bersabar, dan sabar itu baik baginya"(HR Abu Dawud & At-Tirmidzi)

"Peliharalah Allah nescaya Allah akan memeliharamu. Peliharalah Allah nescaya engkau akan dapati Dia di hadapanmu. Apabila engkau meminta, maka pintalah dari Allah. Apabila engkau meminta pertolongan, maka mintalah pertolongan dengan Allah. Ketahuilah bahawa kalau umat ini berkumpul untuk memberikan sesuatu manfaat kepadamu, mereka tidak akan mampu memberikanmu manfaat kecuali dengan suatu perkara yang memang Allah telah tentukan untukmu. Sekiranya mereka berkumpul untuk memudharatkan kamu dengan suatu mudharat, nescaya mereka tidak mampu memudharatkan kamu kecuali dengan suatu perkara yang memang Allah telah tentukannya untukmu. Pena-pena telah diangkatkan dan lembaran lembaran telah kering (dakwatnya)." (HR Tirmidzi)

---

Sebulan lagi.

Gulp.

Mu'min tu tak tensi ...

*struggling*

211:

I miss writing. I miss being the me who were so sensitive to her surrounding. Taking in everything as something that actually teaches. And I actually learnt.

People say, "Welcome to the real world.". Where the hectic life consumes you. You cannot even think. If from the start you did not do something, keep on dreaming on at last doing it in the future. Keep on hoping and dreaming for "Nanti bila ada masa...". Sheesh...

You have to strive, you know that. You don't want to be stuck in this stupid cycle. Because you know you will definitely die one day. Or at this very next moment ...

Choose to strive dear.

210:

>_______<

bipolar mode.

just need to let this out.

Allahumma yasirli wala tu'assir

T_______T

saya dah kembali ke kehidupan maktab.

so unstable right now.

macam-macam.

macam-macam....