58: Rains of death

Ini dan ini. Dan ini juga. More? ini

He said that such a massacre was possible thanks to Arab silence, European collusion and American support for Israeli occupation.

"This bloody day was never witnessed before in the Gaza Strip", Barhoum underlined, adding that 150 martyrs fell in less than half an hour while 200 others were injured.

I'm in rage. And, speechless.

Serangan, disamping masih dalam 'penjara', tak cukup bekalan, power outage, food shortage..

Macam pengecut menyerang org yang dilumpuhkan dan dikurung.

Kurniakan mereka kesabaran Ya Allah..
Allahummansurhum, allhummannsurna ala kaumil kafirin..

--

And yet, people still nak pertahankan pendirian mereka to not boycotting??

So much resources, take time to read, think and take action!

57: Sayang Sama Summer

And suddenly, 4 days to go!

I'm glad I stay longer before going back. Apart from the wonderful weather (only the past few days the temperature started to rise), I am quite satisfied with all the things I managed to go through.

Attending graduations, summer camp, katibahs, jalan-jalan (to Phillip Island, to GOR), Adelaide, rewang and small makan2 for family yang dtg for graduation, boxing day shopping, visiting friends at the ladang tempat kerja, plenty of times for reading, and so on and so forth.

Makes me think, though. With all the events that I went through, do I try to extract anything and have I improved?

Tak mahu segalanya berlalu dengan sia-sia.

All the lesson learnt. Moga diamal.

Apa gunanya buat segala, berjalan ke sana, ke mari, memory card penuh with pictures, memory otak penuh with pengalaman, experience, .. dan hanya dibiarkan dalam memory? tak ke sia-sia?

After all, it's not what you know that is counted, but it's your amalan.

Anyway, can't wait to reach Malaysia.

1st January 2009, 8.40 am at Senai Airport! See you there InsyaALLAH.

56: What drives you?

Salam all..

Masa summer ni banyak peluang driving di sini. Hantar orang to/from airport, beli barang, ke GOR, ke Phillip Island, jalan-jalan around the city itself.. Makes me want to blog about it. The driving experience. Lain tau dengan Malaysia!

Basic rules are the same, but little2 things.

Seat belt is a must, for all including the passengers. Pernah one of my friend here kena saman sebab tak pakai seat belt (and she was sitting at the back, ok). Lepas tu semua insaf. Pakai seat belt sentiasa. Bila balik Malaysia, dah terbiasa.. pakai seat belt kat belakang kena gelak je!. Huhu. Tapi sekarang kat Malaysia dah wajib kan?

Jalan kat sini pelik-pelik sikit. Kena amat berhati-hati. Kene pastikan we're on the correct lane. Know where to change lane. Kalau silap lane, terus silap jalan. Ada service lane la, centre lane la..

Ada jalan tu kene mind everything! mind the tram, the train, the pedestrians. One such kind (exclude the train) is the big roundabout near my house. Itu adalah roundabout yang ramai org takut nak lalu (saya la especially) because it can gets real complicated especially time peak hours. Kalau penakut macam saya, akan stuck there for hours la.


Talk about roundabout. Aussie loves roundabout. Huhu. Sangat banyak kat sini dan bermacam-macam bentuk. Ada sekecik-keciknya hingga sebesar-besarnya. Bujur pun ada! bersambung2 dengan pelbagai cabang jalan. Can make me real pening.

Traffic light. Green doesn't mean you can go. Kene watch for pedestrians. Kene bagi derang jalan dulu. Ada turn with care. Walaupun hijau, kene tunggu kete yang opposite direction lalu sebelum boleh belok. Kene tau where to stop before turning.

And yang paling saya kagum, yellow means you stop. Heh. Kalau kat Malaysia, kalau kuning semua pakat pecut masa tu. Kat sini tak. Yellow je terus stop walaupun tak merah lagi.

Ade hook turn! yang ramai org takut. Tapi I think I get the hang of it now. Haha. Macam la susah sangat. Hook turn ade kat melbourne because of the design of the CBD (central business district) tu yang amat kotak-kotak.. so sgt byk simpang empat dan sangat banyak traffic light.

Oh yea, speed limit. Sangat ikut! kalau 80, 80 la.. kalau kat free way tu, semua kete 80 walaupun jalan straight dan kosong. Sgt jarang orang yang speeding ni. Semua ikut rules.

Overall, the driving experience in Melbourne makes you (or me at least) be more of a cautious driver. Sangat berhati-hati because it can be dangerous if you're not! Bagus for me because saya amat cuai sebelum ni dan kurang berhati-hati. Latihan yang bagus di OZ utk diapplykan di Malaysia nanti. heh.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.

:)

p/s: 15 days to go.. heh.. tetibe rasa sekejap pulak summer ni.

55: Eid and Gor

Okay, the pictures are supposed to be shown chronologically, but now they're all terbalik. The latest one is shown first pulak. But it's okay.

The desserts in our simple makan-makan sempena aidiladha. Main menu is nasi tomato + ayam masak merah + kambing masak kurma. Pictures of them aren't available.

A very cute lil girl masa solat raya di Debney's park. Sangat ramai budak-budak and babies yang comel-comel. Rasa macam nak culik sorang dua.

The crowds at Debney's park. Yup, the same venue masa raya aidil fitri juga. Best solat kat padang. Takbir dilaungkan tanpa was-was. Khutbah amat bersemangat. Walaupun the first part in arabic and I could barely understand, tapi terserap juga semangat bila dibacakan. Pasal surah al-kauthar. Dah banyak kenikmatan yang Allah bagi.. maka berkorbanlah!

Erskine Fall. At Lorne, along the Great Ocean Road. We went there a day before eid.

Alhamdulillah. Dapat ke sini lagi. My favorite place along the Great Ocean Road.
The Loch Ard Gorge. I can spend hours here. Seriously I can. Just sit there and stare at the beautiful scenery and listen to the harmonious sounds of nature.

The sand. Do you know, there are more galaxies in the universe than the sand on this earth all together?? Sangat banyak ok! And in one galaxy, there are approx. more than 500 millions of stars. And our sun is only one of those stars! We are so small, yet we can be real takabbur. Sungguh tidak sedar diri.

I'm here again. The 12 apostles. Never fail to ease the heart. Alhamdulillah.

Watching the sunrise..

Lately I become so kememeh. Need to be tougher. Kenapa jadi makin lemah pulak?

54: Change

Change. Berubah.
It's so possible that you have to agree.

Sometimes we tend to think like..
"Oh, this is me"
"Oh, I know I cannot be like this, but there's this one part in me that I can never change"
"I'm born like this"
"This is the way I was brought up!"

All the thoughts that keep us from THE CHANGE that we really want.
Sometimes we tend to think that idealism is something so ideal that can never be attained.

I tend to think like that, once upon a time.

I was brought up in a secure environment. I went to Islamic School since standard 3, until form 5. I was taught all the nilai-nilai murni dan islami since small. Some stick to me, become part of me, some hanya berlalu seperti angin sepoi-sepoi bahasa.

Akhlak. Yang rasa senang, amat mudah nak diamalkan, akan diamalkan hence menjadi akhlak. Yang macam susah, tak biasa, ditinggalkan, dan hanya menambah panjang list akhlak-akhlak yang I HOPED I could acquire.

Sabar, tahan marah, rajin, berlapang dada, etc2.. the list can be as long as you want. People always hope. Fitrahnya manusia mahukan akhlak-akhlak demikian dalam diri.

Honestly, what I personally felt is "I know, I have to be better. I want to be better. But I know myself more than anyone else, and there's this part in me that I KNOW I CAN NEVER CHANGE".

And there was also time when I became so frustrated with myself. "Why am I like this? Why am I DESTINED to be like this? Why oh why can't I change?"

But as I learnt more and more about Islam, Alhamdulillah, I came to this realization and reality that I can change.

Islam, selain menyempurnakan syariat dengan segala kesyumulannya, juga adalah untuk menyempurnakan akhlak yang mulia.

"Sesungguhnya aku diutus untuk menyempurnakan akhlak yang mulia" (HR Bukhari)

(Al-Ahzab 33:21)

Rasulullah dan para sahabat adalah manusia biasa seperti kita juga. Jahiliyah-jahiliyah yang mereka hadapi dan hidup dengannya adalah lebih teruk dari apa yang perlu kita buangkan dari dalam diri. Namun mereka berjaya berubah, dan menjadi generasi paling hebat pernah kita tahu, dengan akhlak yang sangat mantap. If they can do it, why can't we?

Pada Rasulullah ada contoh yang boleh sangat-sangat kita ikut. BAGI MEREKA YANG AMAT MEGHARAPKAN KEREDHAAN ALLAH. Only this matters and only this will keep us strong in our process of changing. Niat. Niat kita hanya kerana Allah dan kefahaman kita bahawa one day kita PASTI menghadap Allah kembali...

Mujahadah itu kunci. Struggle against all the evil and all the cubaan dan halangan that hinder us from istiqamah in our mujahadah untuk berubah.

Susah, memang susah. So hard. That's why it's so worth it. Syurga. That's why it's so worth it! Syurga sangat mahal ok. And it can be either syurga dan neraka~

Dan bila bermujahadah, dan berjaya berubah, barulah akan merasa manisnya.. sangat manis :)

It's a continuous struggle. And most often than not we will feel tired and weak. But imaan is the key. Our faith in Allah. Tiada daya dan tiada upaya, tiada kekuatan selain dari-Nya. This keep us strong. REAL STRONG.

Change, is possible.

And if you can sense that I'm changing (to the better of course), Alhamdulillah.
If you can sense that I'm not changing, keep on reminding the forgetful me~

53: Summer in Melbourne

Salam all. Wah, sudah lama tidak ku update ruangan ini. Exam ended around 2 weeks ago. I've been avoiding thinking about it. Personally, the last paper was the hardest paper ever for me. I didn't understand the concept so well, ended up memorising all the solution.. and went blank in the exam hall. NOT GOOD.

Anyway, I'm going to spend half of my summer holiday here in Melbourne. Interesting? So far so good. I'm not feeling so well right now, so I'll let the pictures do most of the talking. Summer in Melbourne.

Taken while studying for my second paper in the library. Listened to imeem using library laptop. Study tak menjadi sangat.

Hujan batu berlaku in the middle of exam period. Jakun sket. Ni atas bumbung dapur, taken from my bedroom window.

The kittens. 4 of them. From left: Husky Dusky, Lollipop, Cloud and Sky.

Husky, comel saat tidur sahaja.

My lovely sky. Tidur dalam posisi yang pelik.

Makcik baik on the bus in Greensborough.

Melbourne Central Station, platform 1. To Hurstbridge/Epping.

Junction, Pelham St/Elizabeth St.

Masjid Beddoe of Monash Uni, Clayton.

College Square. I used to live here.

The tram stop nearest to my house. Stop here for Pelham St, okay!

Langit yang cantik, di picnic area park ape ye.. in Epping.

Lake and sky. Same venue as above.

The road taken..

I took a similar photo years back:

In 2005.

Rougher terrain ahead :)
Perlu lebih kuat kerana hidup makin sukar. So true.
Moga lebih matang yo!
Dan lebih serius!

"Umat yang berjuang tidak mengenal selain bersungguh-sungguh"
who can guess who said the above quote?

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal.
Looking forward to explore more of Melbourne. Around 1 year left. I love Melbourne, really. Am gonna miss it.

52: Futile attempt

This is Chesty who was frustrated at her futile attempts to get into my room. Sorry Chesty, I'm still feeling uncomfortable with adult cats in the room ... kittens ok lagi.

And this is me.. frustrated at her futile attempts to study without losing focus.

My first paper in 2 days time. Oh, everyone else is either finishing their exam or happily smiling,contented, back in Malaysia..

Oh Allah, never let me go.

51: Hasbiyallah

Selalu..


Aku mahu jadi si kecil yang semua org mendengar tangisannya.

Aku mahu jadi si lemah yang semua orang mahu menyokongnya.

Aku mahu jadi si pengadu yang semua orang mahu mendengarkannya.

Aku mahu jadi si pengecut yang semua orang mententeramkannya.

Aku mahu jadi si kememeh, yang semua tak kisah menyeka air matanya...


Tapi .... lebih lagi sebenarnya.. sepatutnya.. hakikatnya...


Aku mahu jadi dia yang sentiasa sedar yang dia punya Tuhan yang maha segalanya.

Aku mahu jadi dia yang tak perlu sesiapa, hanya Dia.

Aku mahu jadi dia yang tak pernah kalah dengan pujuk rayu hatinya.

Aku mahu jadi dia yang kuat kerana Allah benar-benar Ilahnya...


Hasbiyallah.. Hasbiyallah.. Hasbiyallah.. Wani’mal wakeel.

La ilaha illa anta, subhanaka.. inni kuntu minazholimin...

(Benarlah.. sangat benarlah.. sesungguhnya dengan mengingati Allah itu hati akan menjadi tenang.. Alhamdulillah)

50: Choices

Dan janganlah kamu berhati lemah dalam mengejar mereka (musuhmu). Jika kamu menderita kesakitan, maka ketahuilah mereka pun menderita kesakitan (pula), sebagaimana kamu rasakan, sedang kamu masih dapat mengharapkan dari Allah apa yang tidak dapat mereka harapkan. Allah Maha Mengetahui, Maha Bijaksana.

-

And slacken not in following up the enemy: if ye are suffering hardships, They are suffering similar hardships; but ye have hope from Allah, while they have none. and Allah is full of knowledge and wisdom.

-An-Nisa 4:104-

---

Apa ya beza kita dan mereka?

Stress exam, tak faham subject material, banyak tak cover lagi, scholarship tak masuk-masuk, duit tak cukup, orang menyakitkan hati disekeliling, family problems, sakit fizikal, sakit mental, etc2

Semua orang boleh punya masalah serupa. Semua boleh ada masalah yang sama dengan kita. Regardless of their belief. Regardless of their faith.

Yang beza adalah, kita ada Allah.. to whom we can always rely on.

Bezanya, ialah how you deal with each problem. You can choose to feel however you want. Choose to be happy, choose to be calm, for you have Allah. Al-Waliy. The Guardian.

Apa beza kita dan mereka jika cara kita deal dengan masalah pun sama macam cara mereka? keep on whining and cursing, giving up, hurting ourselves.. making things worse.. complicate the already chaotic situation.

I choose to be calm. Al-Hilmy.

I'm a human that always forget. Sometimes I forget that I have choices. Sometimes I forget that I'm in control.

Dear friends, keep on reminding me.

Oh Allah, Al-Waliy.. You're my ultimate guardian. Forgive me when I whine. Remind me when I forget. Kau yang memegang hatiku ini. Teguhkan aku.

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal :)

--

Tetibe rasa tak reti dah nak tulis.. handicapped. Uhuhu.

Inna lillah wa inna ilahi raji'un ..

--

A related nasyid yang amat sedap dan bermakna!

Zain Bikha - Heart of A Muslim

Looking up at the sky, searching for Allah most High
He rejected the way of worshipping Gods of clay
Prophet Ebrahim knew that Allah was near
And that the heart of a Muslim is sincere

Under the hot burning sun, he declared God is one
Though with stones on his chest, his Imaan would not rest
The Muadhin knew that right would conquer wrong
And the heart of a Muslim must be strong

It's the heart of a Muslim through the guidance of Islam
That makes you fair and kind and helpful to your fellow man
So living as a Muslim means that you must play a part
Allah looks not at how you look, but what is in your heart

In our poor meager state, little food on our plate
Mother said she was glad, always sharing what we had
When I asked how can we share what's not enough
She said the heart of a Muslim's filled with love

He said its time you should know, you will learn as you grow
That some people around will do what's bad to bring you down
Father said to be a star that's shining bright
For the heart of a Muslim does what's right

So whatever you do, make sure your words are true
Honesty is the best, because life is a test
Even if it hurts so much you want to cry
For the heart of a Muslim does not lie

49: Important Dates

Final Exam for Semester 2, 2008

19th Nov - Mathematical Methods
21st Nov - Further Classical & Quantum Mechanics
24th Nov - Electromagnetism & Special Relativity

Dengan kekuatan Tuhan, akan membantumu!

31st Dec - Balik Malaysia :)

p/s: Selamat bertunang to my dear brother, Suhaib. Today at Teluk Intan. Wish I were there.

48: Deviation

An entry made for my deviantart site. :)
Catch me there.

---

We had our last physics lab session for this year last Monday. So it was quite relaxing. After accumulated all the data needed, there were still much time left. Writing the report was such a boring process, and we could even bring it back home. I was planning to do it at home. So, we still got plenty of time. I felt bored and started drawing on the last page of the lab report logbook. Suddenly our lab instructor came, and as I didn't realize she's approaching, I didn't have enough time to hide the drawing.

She suddenly asked "Hey, what's that?"
I hurriedly flipped the book over to the page of my current report. I thought she was going to scold me. "Oh nothing.. just some sketch.. "

She quickly grabbed my book and looked at my drawing. "Wow! you can draw so well! This is fantastic! Oh so pretty!!" (I think she was exaggerating)

I was quite surprised. Then we talked a bit, turns out she also loves arts, and used to paint, etc, stuff like that.

What left me thinking till today was her last word before we proceeded with our lab "Hah, you're so talented, and look what you do now! wasting you time on Physics!" I think she echoed it to herself. (She came back to me after a while said something like why don't I do something about it? like short courses or nething..)

Heh, I don't know. I would be lying if I say I never thought of taking arts or anything related to it. But after a while, I come to realize that what happened is the best thing that should happen. Isn't everything determined by Him? And He's the best planner, so everything that happened is the best. Because Allah the Almighty wouldn't set something that's second best, let alone something worse. (can you understand what i mean?, right about now I feel like biting my English language skill, ah, if only it is something material)

I'm not saying this just to alleviate myself. Really. For I really love whatever that's happening in my life until now. If I chose arts over physics (years ago), I wouldn't be here and I wouldn't be able to fully realized the meaning of this transient life. Like, really!! And of course, this is specifically for me. And Allah has set such unique plan for each and everyone of us. Everyone is different in their own way. Not all path suits everyone. So guys, truly, really, seriously, be happy and thank Allah for the life we're living right now. It's actually so sweeeeet of Him. This life is a gift from Him.

And if we take the initiative to ponder on everything that's been happening in our life, take lessons from it, and take the initiative to learn more, we can actually be the best person, more importantly, be the one who Allah pleases. And that's what matters, right?

And just because you can draw, doesn't mean you need to be an artist. (as in working as an artist or work related to that). Physics itself is one beautiful area. There's art in everything . For Allah the Most Beautiful loves beauty!

What's more important is that we make sure whatever we're doing, it is still in the circle (?) of Syari'ah.

As for me, I'll keep on drawing as long as Allah permits

47: Mixed

Taken yesterday, 24/10/2008 @ Port Melbourne

Rasa macam dah lama tak update. Lame la jugakkan. One week. So rasa awkward jugak ni. Been busy with tests and reports. Ada lagi satu test hari isnin ni, and satu je lagi lab! (sangat lega~). Then tinggal seminggu je lagi, then swotvac. Takdela busy sangat actually (when you didn't take the initiative to make yourself busy) tapi rasa guilty bila nak update, because I'm supposed to study. I'm so left behind in all subjects! Alhamdulillah my first paper kire lambat jugaklah. So masih boleh kejar-kejar lagi.

Tapi sekarang, bila rasa rindu ngan family, and bila I tried to call Msia last night and failed to get through, and bila nak call sekarang masih terlalu awal (Msia pukul 4.30 am).. this is what I do.. blogging :)

Apa khabar semua? hati ini terhibur bila membaca blog entry aya n piah pasal rombongan jepun tu. Menarek2!

---

Terfikir banyak kali dah ni, tapi tak berusaha menyuarakannya. Soalan: adakah saya merosakkan bahasa? dengan mencampurkan english dan malay sesuka hatinya.. heh. Kalau ada cikgu BM kat sini, mesti dah panas dah, yang cikgu english pun sama, kan? Huhu.

I think I express myself more efficiently when I mix the language. Because tak semua perkataan english boleh express what I really think about, and vice versa. Because that's the way I think. Otak ni bercampur-campur ha! That's why la selalu tercampur perkataan BM bila bercakap with the locals. Huhu. Tak bagus. Contoh: Alamak, jap, yeke, apetu.

---

Oh ye. My birthday, last Sunday :) . (Oh no, I'm 21 already!) Jazakumullahu khayr to all my friends, especially puan-puan pelham for the nice surprise. Rasa sangat bahagia dan bersyukur di hati dikurniakan sahabat-sahabat macam ni. Despite our differences, despite me being so childish, banyak songeh dan sangat banyak kelemahan, you all can accept me the way I am dan sangat bersabar dengan saya and insyaALLAH, I will improve myself.. huhu.. minta maaf banyak-banyak atas segalanya yang telah berlaku.. saye kene sangat mujahadah in making some changes yang amat you all harap-harapkan.. bantulah saya!


---

Dan dikala hati gembira, bibir tersenyum dan wajah ceria menyambut hari lahir.. ada jiwa yang Allah tarik nyawanya..

Sangat tepat tazkirah ini buat saya...

After all, apelah makna hari lahir, but satu hari yang mengingatkan diri yang usia meningkat.. dan makin suntuk masa dan makin sikit tempohnya untuk saya beramal, to please Him.

Cukuplah mati sebagai peringatan. Berimankah kita yang kita akan mati? Kalau kita percaya kenapa susah sangat nak bermujahadah ye? Muhasabah.. benarkah kita ini beriman?

Kita nak mati dalam keadaan yang kita pasti Allah redha kat kita. Try tgk video Amr Khaled yang Ar-Rahman Ar-Raheem tu. How he described keadaan masa malaikat tarik nyawa tu.. how bestnye rasa bila saat kita hembuskan nafas terakhir tu, malaikat bisik kat kita, "Allah redha akan kamu...Salamun alaikum " sangat best dan lega kan?? and that's what we want! sangat-sangat!

Maka, berusahalah... ape-ape pun is to attain redha-Nya. Segalanya keranaNya. InsyaAllah.

Kalau benar-benar mahu, Allah akan tunjukkan jalan! (29:69)
Dan hidayah tu di mana-mana. Don't we ever say Allah tak bagi petunjuk sedangkan fitrah petunjuk tu ada sentiasa dalam diri.. dan Allah dah banyak terangkan dalam Quran.. bukan mata yang buta, tapi hati di dalam dada~

46: Bismika nahya

Ya Allah, sangat-sangat tak tahu nak describe macam mana tenang, best nye rasa.
Bagi yang dah pernah ikut ESQ, watching this series will insyaAllah makin menambah penghayatan kita terhadap asma' Allah. Kepada yang tak pernah pun, same jugak.

Everyone should watch this series! Everyone!!!!

Bismika Nahya - In Thy Name, We Live
by Amr Khaled

This is one episode of the series, discussing Ar-Rahman, Ar-Raheem..
Sangat-sangat-sangat best. Sangat-sangat-sangat membuka mata, membuka hati..
I couldn't hold back my tears, out of byk sgt baru terealized and tersentuh.. dengan rahmat-Nya yang sangat-sangat-sangat luas!



Baru berkesempatan habiskan 2 episodes, tapi rasa dah sangat2 best. Tak sabar nak habiskan semua. Tapi kena tengok satu-satu and menghayati betul-betul.. sebab nak benar-benar whisper dgn rasa sebenar-benarnya.. BISMIKA NAHYA, YA ALLAH!

This is the link to all the episodes
Bismika Nahya

yang ade * je yg ade subtitle.. ade beberapa yg takde. Tapi lg byk yg ada. Best2.

Kepada yang tinggal berdekatan, I've downloaded a few more of the series (10 of 25).. tak download semua lagi.. so if you all nak save quota internet tu, bleh mintak kat saye..

45: Inni as'aluka

I envy those who are highly motivated, full of enthusiasm all the time. I envy those who only know little, but grasp it and hold on to it so dearly, keyakinan yang sangat-sangat dengan kebenaran yang dia tahu, walaupun sedikit. I envy those who really believe, without them saying much, people can sense from their words, from their actions, that they really do believe. I envy those who can feel the signs of Him everywhere around him/her , at any time of any given day. I envy those who never bersangka-sangka terhadap Allah, even when the worst of trial hits them, say, terminal illnesses, loss of loved ones, fitnahs, etc. I envy those who can easily heal from their grief. I envy those who can quickly rebounce from the greatest affliction. I envy those who are full with optimism with whatever that comes into their way. I envy their positiveness..

I envy them, because I’m not one of them.

And Allah,
How I really really want to be this person. Strong. Sebenar-benar taqwa. Sebenar-benar tawakal. Yang benar-benar berpegang kepada: La hawla quwatta illa billah.

You know everything that resides here in this fu’ady.

Oh Allah, I feel like a hypocrite.
No doubt You have given me the luxury of knowledge,
the luxury of kesenangan untuk beramal,
But yet, here I am.. so weak and hati penuh su’u zhon, sangka-sangkaan buruk.

I am one of those, oh Allah.. those who you described “fi qulubihim maradhun fazadahumullahu maradha..” (di dalam dada mereka ada penyakit lalu ditambahkan lagi penyakit)

Aku sangat bersyukur, sampai saat ini, setiap kali dilanda kekacauan, you never actually let me go. Tidak ditarik nyawa saat hati penuh kemaksiatan. Hati tunduk kepada kekufuran tanpa aku sendiri sedari!

(2:28)

Sungguh aku takut akan azab-Mu, Ya Allah.. Sungguh aku sangat ingin syurga-Mu.. sangat ingin menghadap-Mu nanti, penuh keredhaan.

Aku hamba-Mu, ya Al-Aziz..
Ingatkan aku selalu yang aku tak selemah ini.

Aku kuat, aku tabah, aku boleh bersabar,
Kerana aku hamba-Mu.. Anta Al-Aziz, Al-Azhim, Al-Qawiy, Al-Hayyu, Al-Qayyum!

Anta Al-Mujeeb.. Anta Al-Afw..

Anta As-Sami’ .. Anta Al-Alim....

Anta Al-Lathif....

(3:193)

44: Some photos

Salam! Saya Lollipop binti Chesty

Saya pula Husky Dusky binti Chesty

They are 2 of 4 Chesty's kittens. Lagi 2 are Cloud and Sky, yang kurang peramah dan garang. Seekor jingga, seekor lagi kelabu. 4 kittens yang lain-lain warna.. comel!

Tapi I'm still not used to cats. Masih banyak teragak-agak. Tak reti nak pegang, and most importantly, masih rasa geli yang tak reti camna nak hilangkan.

Setiap kali pegang kucing, mesti rasa macam takleh pegang benda lain dah.

I'll get used to it. Alah bisa tegal biase, kan? Huhu.

This week experiment. Determining the e/m (Charge to mass ratio). So we used electron gun yang mengeluarkan electron beam (nampak tak?) and accelerate the beam in a constant magnetic field..ingat tak kawan2? v (velocity) cross B (magnetic field), we'll get force perpendicular to both vectors v and B.. tu yang dia traversed in circular path ... kira-kira-kira sampai dapat e/m ..

The electron beam. Boleh nampak sebab actually guna helium gas yang dah diionized. Adelah process berlaku yang menyebabkan the gas actually glowed.

Ye, saya jakun sebab beam tu lawo.

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I miss writing a good post.

43:

42: Study

11 years of school. 1 and a half years of preparatory. Almost 2 years of university life.

And I still don't know how to study?

Rabbi zidni ilma warzuqni fahma..

One of the hardest changes that I have to make. Really really really challenging. Huhu.

It's all relative, ok.

This is relative to me.

Allamal insana ma lam ya'lam..

41: Sekolah

The Clock tower taken around the Old Arts buidling. Spring!

Week 9 ended today. Special relativity test was held last tuesday. We got the marks back today. First thing the tutor said when all of us grabbed our tests at the front was "Don't cry! everyone did quite badly!" One of us came in quite late and when he took his paper, he went "OH MY GOD!" loudly. Helpful. Exactly what everyone else felt. Semua either senyum or ketawa, empathy.

I'm not sure what was my mind condition at the time of the test. Can you all see the above picture? My tutor wrote "Please tell me that this is a joke!" .. this is regarding one of my bizzare answer. Baru sekarang tersedar how stupid the mistake was. Huhu. Termalu sendiri.

From this week on, I'll have test every week, sampai swot vac. 13/10 , 20/10, 24/10 and another one has not yet been set. And not forgetting the very stressful process of finishing lab report every monday and tuesday.

Standard la kan, student life! Enough whining , start studying!!

My lovely uni~ huhu.

40: Transparent

Am I that transparent?

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"I want to be unpredictable!"
"Ceh! ngade nyee..." dia senyum sinis. "Konon.. bajet mysterious!"

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I miss you.

39: Listen Carefully

Speaking out is one dangerous thing. Tapi amat membantu juga.

You never realize how much you worry about something until you tell it to someone. And when you try to listen to your own voice, your own speech, barulah tersedar betapa besarnya kerisauan yang ada dalam diri. Bila ianya hanya disimpan dalam hati, tiada cermin yang dapat membiaskan dan memantulkan realiti keadaan itu, kecuali imaginasi semata.

And then you start to ponder, and reflect.. how you're not supposed to worry that much sebenarnya! Kerisauan itu hanya menjadi batu penghalang dalam hati, menutup kejernihan prioriti...

Thanks to those who listen, who try to understand, even when I, myself, couldn't comprehend.

Paling utama kepada-Mu, Ya Allah. Anta As-Sami' .. yang sentiasa mendengar, dan menganugerahi aku insan-insan seperti ini dalam hidupku...

Dapatkah kau merasa cinta-Nya?

Senyum dan bergembiralah, kerana kita ada benda terbaik disisi :)

La Tahzan, innallaha ma'ana .. rasailah!

38: Hazihi Sabili

37: Takbir!

Pagi satu syawal di Debney's Park, Mt Alexander Road, Flemington.
Takbir bergema memenuhi ruang angkasa Flemington.
Rasa sangat-sangat terharu..
Takbir dilaungkan sebebasnya di Melbourne..
for me, this was the first time I'm experiencing this..
Mesti semua tumbuhan-tumbuhan dan haiwan, serta hidupan2 lain.. terutamanya manusia!
..amat merindui takbir ini~

Allahu akbar! Allahu akbar! Walillahi Al-Hamd

Aku perlu segera mencari spirit yang hilang.
Terasa bagaikan, I'm failing. Failing badly, devastatingly.
Tak berjaya keluar dari madrasah ramadhan menjadi rama-rama yang indah...

:(

La hawla wala quwatta illa billah.
Allahu akbar!

Eid Mubarak!
Salam Aidilfitri dari Melbourne :)

Maaf zahir dan batin!

Motivasi: keep up the qiyam!

36: Sayu ecece

Sangat sayu

Ramadhan is going to end very soon. 4 hours..

Rabbana taqabbal minna..
Taqabbal minna
Taqabbal minna!

Alhamdulillah ala kulli hal...

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I haven't decided where to go tomorrow. Malaysian hall? Melbourne Uni? ASWJ at Flemington? Clayton? Tengoklah macam mana. Yang penting dapat merasai dan menghayati ruh Eid tu sendiri.

Fitrah sudah kah?

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"Dan bersabarlah kerana sesungguhnya Allah tidak menyia-nyiakan pahala orang yang berbuat kebaikan" - 11:115

Semoga Allah redha :)

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Special dedication for my family, Abah, Mama, Suhaib, Uswah, Hasanah, Ahmad, Safiah, Aliya, Solehah, Hayat, Nuha & Hanaa..

Selamat Hari Raya, maaf (sangat2 maaf 100x) zahir dan batin..
Ingat-ingatlah munah bile makan burasak/ketupat/rendang/sate/baulu bechak (Or in Hasanah's case, makanan2 yg kat ade kat sane la).

Semoga Ramadhan yang (akan) berlalu ini, mentarbiyah diri semua utk berubah, menjadi lebih baik, positif dan lain-lain.. terutamanya taqwa!

Jangan excited sgt raye tu wahai adik beradik ku sayang.. yg penting dapat menghayati kenapa kita beraya in the first place.

Sayang korang, rindu nak balik, tak sabo, tapi lame lagi :(

Hanaa jangan beso cepat-cepat sangat la~

p/s: sila bank in duit raya.. di zaman teknologi tinggi ini, segalanya mudah sahaja :p

35: Hazas Sobah

Lavender menghias permulaan perjalanan pagi ke Carlton Garden :)

"One year, and here I am again. Do you remember? I never forget. Never will. And I believe, hope never dies. I believe and I hope. And He knows I wish to understand..."

Pakcik-makcik bertaichi. They occupied half of the court. We took the other half. I tried shooting for a couple of times, failed each time, except once when I used netball technique. Huhu. Once a netballer, always a netballer. Takleh main basketball...

Tak sangka di depan REB ada tasik, I never knew. This is REB, our exam hall, remember?

Damainya dirasa~

One thing I'm gonna miss about oz, are all the parks and gardens. Heh, macamlah nak balik for good. Tapi menariklah, how for every beberapa kilometres, mesti ada park. Like today, our main tujuan was Carlton Garden, tapi we passed by 3 parks/taman/ruang lepak-lepak before reaching the garden. (University Square, Lincoln Square and Argyle Square). Menarik tak?

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Kalimatan habibatan illal rahman
2 kalimah yang dicintai Ar-Rahman

Khafifatan fil lisan, Thaqilatan fil mizan
Ringan di lisan, berat di mizan (timbangan di akhirat)

Subhanallah wa bi hamdih, Subhanallahil azhim.. :)

(heh, sekarang sangat ramai peminat lagu ni.. sedap dan menenangkan..)

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Original hadith:
Dari Abu Hurairah r.a., katanya: "Rasulullah s.a.w. bersabda:
"Ada dua kalimat yang ringan pada lisan - yakni mudah diucapkan, tetapi berat sekali dalam timbangan - di akhirat, dicintai oleh Allah Maha Pengasih, yaitu Subhanallah wa bihamdih dan Subhanallabil 'azhim."

Taken from Riyadhus Salihin hadith no 1405.